Dunno about peas but someone got roasted.
A cautionary tale.

My granddad Bert was a fire-fighter in London during the war (2) he was too old to sign up so he and his best mate Wally helped put out burning buildings, got kittens out of trees and sifted thru rubble to find dead burnt babies after a heavy night on The Blitz. You know - the usual.

During their training as volunteer firefighters many years earlier Bert & Wally had been taught the command "Stop!". Now as anyone who has done any type of safety training knows, this command means - "freeze or play statues now because I have seen something that is dangerous to you (or us) that you may not be aware of". Fairly simple stuff you'd think.

Anyhoo - 1 night while Wally & Bert were in the throes of tiding up the mess being caused by those beastly, unkind Luftwaffe pilots they found themselves in a burning building trying to save some ladies and children (where were their fellas during all this? I ask you).
Wally comes out of a smoky room holding a young girl in his arms. My granddad spies a large burning beam above him, probably about to break. He shouts above the din at Wally, telling him to "STOP!". Wally ignores Bert and runs forward trying to hand the child to him. Burning beam about 2/3rds the thickness of Wally (I hear rations weren't so fattening in those days) falls down on top of Wally and kid, killing them instantly.
That's how my granddad came to watch his best mate and some innocent child die in front of him. If Wally had stopped, the beam would've fallen (relatively - burning building remember) harmlessly in front of him.

Granddad told me this tale with a glint in his eye & a quiver in his voice (hay fever was playing up that day apparently) as a sort of safety parable - something like "do as you're told 'cause sometimes your parents can see danger where you may not be able to". Most emotion he ever showed me the grunggly, old bastard.
I told it to my daughter to try and get her to do as she's told. To little or no avail. Still she hasn't been run over by a bus - so plus sides and all that.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 21 May 2013, 22:40, 52 replies)

man, another hysterical story from bingo wings here.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 May 2013, 22:42, closed)

My guns are the shizz, Plummie.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 21 May 2013, 22:48, closed)

beam hammer
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 21 May 2013, 22:46, closed)

hammer gavel
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 3:31, closed)

Yeah, but when the inevitable does happen, and she gets killed in a horrific mutilating accident, it will make for a great story for you to post here..
So plus sides and all that.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 22 May 2013, 6:07, closed)

*story*
Also it would be better to say "killed in a horrific accident where she gets mutilated,"
I'm sure your kids are safe and secure all the time. I would hope they grow up in a positive and loving environment.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 6:26, closed)

There's no need to get to all sniffy.
All I'm saying is if your daughter dies screaming, probably on fire or after falling into a pool of acid, it will make for some great new material for you to post on this forum.

Don't get me wrong, any story containing dead burnt babies is comedy gold, obviously, but it's old material.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 22 May 2013, 6:51, closed)

Oh god.
Won't someone think of the comedy websites?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 6:59, closed)

Exactly!
We're just going to get the same old 'children die horrifically' stories, endlessly recycled until you get lucky and get some new schtick.

Let's all keep our fingers crossed.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 22 May 2013, 7:40, closed)

Believe it or not this isn't my first post this week.
I'm pretty sure that none of the other posts had children dying horrifically either as the topic or in context.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 8:43, closed)

You're right. I liked with the one with the traumatised, sexually assaulted old lady. lol

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 22 May 2013, 10:10, closed)

Your powers of extrapolation are approaching Rory's prowess.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 10:50, closed)

There's no need to get abusive.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Wed 22 May 2013, 11:15, closed)

Soz.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 23:56, closed)

oh god please please just fucking shut UP.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 22 May 2013, 8:10, closed)

No.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 8:35, closed)

Agreeing with Janet here.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 22 May 2013, 10:55, closed)

Slippery slope.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 11:22, closed)

Don't be vulgar.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:13, closed)

Not really.
What I'm saying here is that you're a dull cunt, with nothing remotely entertaining to say.

You are both dull AND verbose. One or other I can just about handle, but for fuck's sake man, give it a rest.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 22 May 2013, 14:04, closed)

How by calling me a "dull cunt"
do you imagine you're going to elicit from me a positive response?
I'm asking because having read a few of your posts in the past you don't strike me as one of the "alright/Cheers/starwars lol" bunch, many of whom I honestly don't think have passed the mental age of 11. You seem capable of conducting a viable and productive discourse. Prove me right.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 22:54, closed)

astonishing lack of self-awareness strikes again.
rather than accept that you are now such a dull parody of even yourself, and that non-'clique' members are calling you out on your tedious posts, you instead want to get into a dialogue proving said poster's intelligence. breathtaking.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 23 May 2013, 6:46, closed)

That's a lot more "big" words than you usually use janet.
If you had the intelligence to properly read my post you'd see that I was suggesting that Rev. Fister was above & beyond the "clique".
All I'm asking him/her to do is verify that by being prepared to discuss things with me in a reasonable and rational way.
Something you still don't seem able to do. Kudos to you tho - your post was easily the most compos mentis I've ever seen you.
Took my breath away.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 23 May 2013, 9:04, closed)

no, you are whoring yourself out to any old user who has an ounce of sense.
go take a nap, you tragic alkie.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 23 May 2013, 12:55, closed)

Yes.
Dear.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 23 May 2013, 13:09, closed)

Well in terms of a 'positive response' I was hoping that you would perhaps DYAAKY.
I think I have already explained quite lucidly that I consider that you are both a) dull and b) verbose. What didn't you follow?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 23 May 2013, 15:16, closed)

once again
it's the text equivalent of Charlie Brown's teacher
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 22 May 2013, 12:54, closed)

haha

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 22 May 2013, 14:05, closed)

ANYHOO

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:08, closed)

Anyhoo.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 13:26, closed)

Wavy lines.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 22 May 2013, 13:36, closed)

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(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 22 May 2013, 22:57, closed)