Tesco Value royalty
One of the feckless blue-bloods - Andrew or Edward, I can't tell them apart and I didn't care then and I don't now - came to open the 'new and refurbished' Eastgate Shopping Centre in Ipswich. It must have been about 1987. I went into town with a mate and we had no idea what was going on until we got through the crowds to find barriers and police and saw His Uselessness. What can I say; massively underwhelmed. I guess the fact that we could almost wander to the front while not being interested suggests something about his pulling power. And the Eastgate Shopping Centre was the crappest shopping precinct ever. I think even on this auspicious day the only places open were a Christian bookshop where all the posters were of books with rainbows and doves coming out of them, and a shop that sold buttons.

An even more tenuous one was when I was in Copenhagen. You can wander all around the outside of the palaces where the royal family live. It being a long day I sat down against the wall of one of them in a fairly main square until a man with a big gun shouted something in Danish that I managed to translate as "get away from the wall or I'll schoot you!". I did. So I didn't meet the Danish King or anything, but I like to think he'd have had the decency to turn up at my funeral to look contrite at such an over-reaction had I in fact been shot...
(Jibber Jabba The Hutt, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 16:30, Reply)