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This is a question Encounters with Royalty

My good friend Jonathan once had to entertain the Queen whilst she had her portrait painted. The night before he was panicking as he didn't know any clean jokes.

Have you met someone royal? Are you royal? We'd like your story...

(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:06)
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Tesco Value royalty
One of the feckless blue-bloods - Andrew or Edward, I can't tell them apart and I didn't care then and I don't now - came to open the 'new and refurbished' Eastgate Shopping Centre in Ipswich. It must have been about 1987. I went into town with a mate and we had no idea what was going on until we got through the crowds to find barriers and police and saw His Uselessness. What can I say; massively underwhelmed. I guess the fact that we could almost wander to the front while not being interested suggests something about his pulling power. And the Eastgate Shopping Centre was the crappest shopping precinct ever. I think even on this auspicious day the only places open were a Christian bookshop where all the posters were of books with rainbows and doves coming out of them, and a shop that sold buttons.

An even more tenuous one was when I was in Copenhagen. You can wander all around the outside of the palaces where the royal family live. It being a long day I sat down against the wall of one of them in a fairly main square until a man with a big gun shouted something in Danish that I managed to translate as "get away from the wall or I'll schoot you!". I did. So I didn't meet the Danish King or anything, but I like to think he'd have had the decency to turn up at my funeral to look contrite at such an over-reaction had I in fact been shot...
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 16:30, Reply)
When I used to be French, I used to be in charge of jet washing the roads clean.
I once met Lady Di.
She didn't utter a word to me.

* may not be entirely true.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 16:29, Reply)
My mate the Queen
I met the queen after performing in front of her and Prince whatshisname at The Comonwealth centre. I was wearing luminous orange trousers, a gold fake muscle chest-plate, and headress complete with enormous fake rubber dreadlocks. I wonder if she remembers me. The basic impression I took from the experience was that she is very small, very old, and probably not as nice as my Gran. Later that same day I met Floella Benjamin. I consider that the highlight of my day.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 16:24, Reply)
There's an old family story
that basicly says we're related _very_ closely with the royal family ...
1) Not too sure if I believe it.
2) Really not that proud of it.
3) I recon if it's true there must be a tonne of other people who are the product of various dubious affairs etc, so I'm sure I'm not on my own there!
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 16:21, Reply)
Not royal but
I pissed in Nelson Mandella's toilet once. Fact.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 16:15, Reply)
Is he or isn't he??
I once attended a garden party in Wales for the Duke of Edinburghs award where Prince Edward was guest of honour. I was pleasantly suprised to find he was drinking Guniness and even better he bought me one!! unlike his mum he does carry cash. later on though we bumped into each other in the toilet, did he think buying me a pint and being royal gave him the right to watch me wee??!! still his female bodyguard who accompanied him was lovely, I hope that was a gun in her dress
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 16:08, Reply)
nothing too exciting,
but I shook the hand of the queen of sweden when I was 14.
My dad worked in a village where an artificial lake had been constructed for some environmental project. The queen was there for the opening sceremony and I got to shake her hand and say hello....

told you it wasn't exciting,
now if it had been princess Madeleine....
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:57, Reply)
Diana was my bitch
Yes, I had her too. But I don't make any claim to uniqueness. Didn't everyone have her? She was a screamer. Liked it from behind.

There's no punchline. It's true.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:56, Reply)
Not Diana
My second story merely relates to the fact that I have met the King of Sweden on several occasions, but it's not nearly as interesting.

Can I have another Knighthood Om? Ta.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:56, Reply)
The English Rose herself once came to visit my home town when I was a wee'un. Of course this prestigious event was somewhat popular, and it was highly unlikely that a nipper like myself would have the opportunity to meet the fine lady.

The working class were all secured back behind those temporary metal railing things, so that she couldn't be infected with our germs, but she did have the good grace to come over and shake hands with those at the front.

Here was my chance - if I could get to the front I would get the shake her hand! I would be blessed by royal hand shakeage!

I pushed and fought but all to no avail. No one was budging... but lo! An elderly woman near the front appeared to be looking in my direction with pity in her eyes. "Let him through," she said "he's with me." I wasn't but the ruse did the trick. As I was passed forward Diana was making her way ever closer, diligently shaking the hand of everyone in line. With mere moments to spare, I arrived at the front, climbed on the railing and held out my hand with a stupid big grin on my face.

The bitch skipped me out. I never did forgive her.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:53, Reply)
there's plenty of queens here at the office. I meet them everyday. They are mostly not small. And they are not real royal queens.
Do I still win?
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:52, Reply)
Queen Mum driveby
One hot summer's day when I was a schoolboy I was walking along the street outside Winchester's military museum when the Queen Mother's motor rolled by and I got a personalised smile/wave combo as the road was otherwise deserted. Not funny, I realise, but true.
My brother's godfather lives in Windsor Castle and is one of the Queen's chaplains. Now that motherfucker has encounters with royalty every time he takes his rubbish out.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:51, Reply)
My dad was in the Grenadiers
And so he had quite a bit of contact with the royals (Bouncing Charles on his knee that sort of thing). Personally I've never met any of them but I did write a booking system for a Buckingham palace garden party and managed to scrounge a couple of tickets didn't meet any of them though she does have a beautiful garden.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:48, Reply)
Liz's Garden Party
My family were invited to the Queen's Garden Party in Edinburgh a few years ago.

We had to wear posh togs, with hats and everything. It was a lovely day, and we got free tea and cakes. After about an hour of getting there, people started lining up to meet the royals.

My brother and I decided to get a good view near the front. We must have been standing for at least an hour, all the while being prodded by flamboyantly dressed Security with big sticks, asking us to move back whilst we waited for the Royals to show.

There were loads of old folks and wheelchair-bound war veterans who had been invited, and were very excited at the prospect of a royal handshake. They pushed through the people that had been waiting and arranged themselves at the front of the crowd.

Eventually Liz, Phil and Andrew showed up, shaking a few hands and having a natter on the way round. Andy looked a bit miffed in his Navy uniform, and made a hasty retreat to the Royal tea tent. Liz met a few brave children and old folks. The nearest I got to a royal was good ol' Phil. As one old wheelchair bound lady wheeled towards him, he asked her if she could do a wheelie. He then told us that, if we got invited again, we should all get a wheelchair so we could barge our way to the front, 'like this one'.

He then started telling us that you can get wheelchairs in America that can push people who weigh up to 400lbs.
' I wouldn't like to be the one pushing her !' he chortled before bidding us goodbye, wished us a good day and sauntered off to his next set of adoring fans.

Gawd love 'em !
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:45, Reply)
Ngierian (?) Royalty
I keep getting emails from PRINCE ADENUKAYE OF NGIERIA. Apparently he's got a load of money in an account somewhere, and if I send him *5k to access it, he'll send me a couple of million by return post. Only thing is, I need someone to send me *200 to access my *5k. If anyone feels like sending it to me.....
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:45, Reply)
I have
some coins in my pocket and some stamps in my wallet that have the queens head on them
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:43, Reply)
Not royalty but the place where they sometimes live.
My mum before I was born was a live in Nanny at Windsor Castle for a Lord and Lady who shall remain nameless. After I made my way in to the world my mother continued as a day time nanny.
For one of the childrens B-days my mother was invited along to Windsor castle to join the festivities with me in tow. Two words 'Fancy Dress'!!

The party being at Windsor Castle you think my mum could have picked a cool costume - Fairy Princess? Angel?
Nope a £2.99 Clown Costume. Boy did I feel classy.

Although my mother never actually met the Queen she did see her a few times. I asked her what she was like.
Her answer: 'Shorter than I thought'. Ahh the pearls of wisdom that come from the parents.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:37, Reply)
Is very slanted towards English users me thinks.

My family had a run in with the Royals once. It ended in 800 years of oppression. Joke, I kid, I kid.

There is an event in Kerry (thats in Ireland - just in case), called Puc Fair, a festival involving all things Irish. At said festival, a King of the Fair is crowned. That King is a local goat. Who is placed on a pedastal in a cage to oversee all that lies before him. When he gets taken down he can often be quite dazed, and confused. I saw him once, wasn't very impressed. A boy shouted CUNT, The goat didn't seem to notice, but later the young lad was killed.

PENIS *pop*
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:36, Reply)
I was wearing
brown trainers with visibly fluorescent-orange soles when I met the Queen in Berlin. I shook her tiny gloved hand but can't remember what I said to her. What I do remember is shaking the Dukey Ed's hand... which was fucking huge, but not as intimidating as Gerhard Schröder's bear-like grip. Big Phil then made a fairly dodgy comment about my heritage (Northern Irish), I burst out laughing and so did he. No sooner had I shook the limp hand of Jack Straw than the reporters from the tabloids pounced on me and asked what Phil had said. I told the truth. Then spent the rest of the day worrying that M15 or some equally lethal spooks would track me down and 'make it look like an accident'. But they didn't. I flew home the next day and have lived happily ever after.

Why was I there? A conference on climate change. To be honest the only good thing about it was a sexy girl from Devon. Oh and it was my 18th birthday. Nowadays, an eonic 2 years later, my memory is jogged only by hearing Buck Rogers.

We'll start over again
Grow ourselves new skin
Get a house in Devon
Drink cider from a lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon...
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:35, Reply)
My Dad...
...Met Prince Charles once (something to do with forest landscapes or something):

Me: So what was he like, dad?
Dad: Like a sensitive guy with a Nazi for a father.
Me: Oh.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:33, Reply)
some princess anne
or someone like that visited the PRNDC (shiny new toy for council estate) place - and quite frankly i couldnt give a toss

bloody people getting paid to sit there in posh clothes and get treat like...well, like royalty i suppose
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:26, Reply)
Not quite royal
I met the (late) president of Croatia. I gatecrashed a party on his private island, Brijuni, having been flown there in his private helicopter (it's a long, uninteresting story). He was very nice, but didn't speak much English. We mostly talked about Man. Utd

We were then flown back to Zagreb in his private jet - only I had to sit in the toilet during take off and landing as there was no seat for me. There was nothing of interest in any of the drawers.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:26, Reply)
Prince Charles visited my school yonks ago
And gave an assembly on... I don't know, probably something to do with cheese. Anyway, the school was a bit rough, and one lad thought it would be hilarious to shout 'CUNT' at the top of his voice.

Charlie didn't even bat an eyelid, surprisingly, but I think the boy got expelled.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:24, Reply)
Last month a group of the lads and i went to the Great Yorkshire Show in Harrogate.
The day Prince Charles and Camilla were visiting unfortunatly.
Didnt see Charles but saw Camilla, bloomin crowds around her stopped me sampling some pork pies. Grrr.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:21, Reply)
Princess Anne
Paid a visit to our school once. Only met the 'star' pupils. We lined up for her to walk past us as all as she left, and she didn't say anything to anyone; she just looked straight ahead and avoided contact.

The highlight was when she left - she left in a helicopter, and we got the rest of the day off.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:19, Reply)
A friend of mine, who was a headmaster, had the queen visit his school. Not surprisingly they rehearsed what to say several times & painted the exact bit of corridor that her maj was to walk along, thus reinforcing the queen's belief that the world always smells of new pain.

Prince Charles travelled on the (local to me) Croydon Tramlink. The council covered up some graffiti that he might see, annoying the residents who ahd been compaining for ages about getting it cleaned up.
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:19, Reply)
Royally first (make that second)

Edit: Damn you!

No story though....hmmm, guy I was at uni with claimed to be a Norwegian Prince. I can say this for him though, he was Norwegian, rich, never told us his last name (first was Jurgen), and to look at him you could believe he was descended from a line of Scandinavian Warrior Kings....
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:12, Reply)
I have actually met Brian May before
(, Thu 3 Aug 2006, 15:12, Reply)

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