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IHateSprouts tells us they once avoided getting caught up in an IRA bomb attack by missing a train. Tell us how you've dodged the Grim Reaper, or simply avoided a bit of trouble.

(, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 12:31)
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.working late you get the bleeders?.
I've worked cash at enough different stores... hazardous to health? Even though I've had a some scares in my younger years- I'll stick to the employment related?, may as well start with the worst.

.Leaving at the end of my shift, sitting in the passenger seat of my coworker's car, the last thing I remember is buckling my seatbelt and talking about a bigmac... next thing I know I'm in my mother's house, not mine, in severe pain and a bandage over one eye- not an awesome pirate patch, a full head bandage. Some idiot was speeding with his lights off(it's dark out my dear- candles are for storms and romanticism) and just happened to find .us. in the massive empty parking lot, and drove right up the front of the car. I was informed later if his car would have been 2 inches in either direction- toast. Ended up with a major concussion (still don't remember the accident today 8ish? years later,), stitches in my eyelid, and above my brow (they told me I had to wait a month to see if my eyeball worked, thanks modern healthcare, wonderful for a young girl to hear), sprained shoulder, amongst other minor injuries. All I know is that girl's car was trashed; and my blood was streaked crimescene style all over inside and out.
.Another store, working the late shift, a youngman came in drenched in blood. Turns out he had just minutes before, one house down, mutilated an older man, which included pulling his intestines out through a tiny hole, slicing open his scrotum, etc. Loverly. Wanders in and is bound I'm going to go on a date, well I thought he was attempting to hit on me(either that or on x). Now I don't know about you girls, but creeper covered in blood, not a turn on. He was getting pretty aggressive, when my lucky day a police officer wanders in for his coffee/donut...arrests him hour later at another location, blah blah history.
.Same store, year later. I was craving a cancer stick and wandered outside to indulge....when I hear some raving lunatic screaming at the top of his lungs some filth about his woman, a couple screams, some breaking glass, good old fashioned talkshow material. It's coming from an infamous apt complex, so I thought nothing of it until a young man comes running out straight towards me. Extinguish cigarette, slowly backup into the store (no sudden movements, wouldn't want to draw any unwanted company, ha) while this man is still running fullspeed into said shop. Once again covered in blood and wants one of my cigarettes... hand it over, hand on the emergency button, and he goes into a tirade about someone screaming at him being a womanbeater (was it me he asked, because he'll find out who, god no sir!) and starts yammering about his horrible life. Me thinking was a suicide attempt(?), try to be a good citizen and calm him down. He leaves, and ten minutes afterwords said girlfriend wanders in with A SCREWDRIVER IN HER HEAD. Yes, sticking out of her skull, and apparently she is unaware. Called the ambulance, etc etc, she's fine now, but what if I said it was me?
.Just recently, new store, locking up for the night, just about to set the alarm when I realize my keys are out back. In the time it took for me to walk to the office to retrieve them, I come out to a stringyhaired greasy man whom I thought was drunk, standing by the counter. We are closed sir. I need a pack of cigarettes. We are closed sir, all the money is sent to the bank, and the till is locked, you have to leave. Suddenly irate, yells at me that if I knew him I'd sell him a pack, and in his flailing arm movements I notice his whole arms slashed up, bleeding all over my nicely mopped floor. At this point I really didn't care about the till and was about to a) either knock him out with a chair or b)give him cigs to leave. Instead I gave him the option to leave in an ambulance or a cop car, chair at the ready. He panicked, tried to go out every door, except for the one he came in (each one being locked for the night) and at each failed attempt to leave, got increasingly angry. Leaving a csi bloodtrail smeared over every touchable surface, he realized wow I came in through the only door I haven't tried and promptly ran off into the night. Turns out he was an actual suicide attempt- and it took over half an hour for our lovely police force to come, and the officer sent was the 'rentacop' drug enforcer from the highschool, the town's most unintelligent cop, lisp included(I should have knocked him out with said chair).

So moral of the story? If you work the late shift- bring a heavy chair.

P.S. My other half jokingly requested I include my severe allergy to penicillin... in which my cat was prescribed antibiotics for a wound she inflicted upon herself biting an electrical cord. Not knowing it was my krypton, I gave her the alotted dosage, rinsed out the syringe, and proceeded to break out in hives. He adds, "she can take out the crazies -but she was almost done in by a cat."
(, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 3:29, 1 reply)
Oh my god
Your writing style makes my testicles bleed! Stop abusing language like that AT ONCE!!!!
(, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 16:31, closed)

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