Picture the scene...
There's a girl you like. Big time. You adore her. She's perfect. And she's single. You flirt a little, but it goes nowhere. She's wary of being hurt or messed around.

My friend Tom was that guy. And after nearly a year of groundwork and being turned down times beyond number, the girl, the perfect girl, finally agrees to go out on a date.

Tom is beside himself. 'I'll take her to the finest restaurant in town. The new Thai one - it'll be perfect. For weeks, he rants and raves, gushes and giggles. Tom is on cloud nine.

We're all rooting for Tom. As D-Day approaches, we slap him on the back, ease his nerves and wish him well.

On the night itself, most of us have forgotten, or merely pushed it to the back of our minds.

Not Alan. Oh, no. Alan's car turns up outside everyone's house at 8PM, beeping like a maniac. What's going on?

Ten minutes later the answer is clear - we're parked opposite the new Thai place. And look, just inside is Tom, the perfect gentleman, the happiest man in the world.

Al begs silence. Al's phone appears. A number is dialed. Not a whisper is heard.

"Hello, Thai Kingom?"

"Good evening, this is doctor Wilkinson of Grantham Hospital - could you please pass on a message to a gentleman I believe is dining with you tonight? A Mr Thomas Lastname? Yes, please, could you tell him that his wife has just gone into labour? Thank you. Good evening."

The helpful manager strolls over to the table. We lip read. Word for word, the message is relayed. The girl stands up. Slaps him. Leaves. He runs after her. A few steps outside he pauses, then stops.

He sees our car. He sees his friends in stitches. He clicks. He screams. He runs towards the car, profanities flying. Five people are laughing so hard that they are in danger of having a cardiac arrest. The car lurches away.

We avoid Tom for three weeks....
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 20:42, 10 replies)

hahah
brilliant
(neorockz :), Thu 13 Dec 2007, 21:56, closed)

I'm torn between being very disapproving of your cuntishness
and laughing like a fucking mong.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 21:57, closed)

Oooo, harsh!
Nicely diabolical, but... damn.

*click*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 13 Dec 2007, 22:25, closed)

Ouch...
Fucking funny though. You bastards!
(danlondonny, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 22:51, closed)

Did he ever get her back?
That's such a horrible thing to do. What happened to the poor man?
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 23:01, closed)

Poor Tom
Yeah, in the end, Al felt so bad that he approached her and apologised. The man is an evil genius, though. He once dyed my hair ginger...but that's another story for another post...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 13 Dec 2007, 23:09, closed)

You are an evil, evil man.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 13 Dec 2007, 23:59, closed)

Oh, that's not so bad then ^-^
Am I the only person on the planet who sees nothing wrong with ginger hair?

It can be quite attractive when a man has thick, long locks of any colour. Show me a long haired man, ginger or not, and I'm content to oggle!
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Fri 14 Dec 2007, 2:09, closed)

Gingers
Oh agreed - and there's nothing I find more attractive than a fiery redhead girl.

But when you're intending to highlight yer locks and you end up with a carrot-topped special, well, it's a but traumatising...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Fri 14 Dec 2007, 18:55, closed)

yes!
groin-grabbingly good
(jones, Sun 16 Dec 2007, 5:56, closed)