Another couple…
LokiMD reminded me of this one…

A friend of mine called Craig was driving my brother to the pub once, and after a few miles, bursts out laughing. When my brother enquired as to what was so funny, Craig replies that since they set off, he had been using my brother as a piece of apparatus in a game of:

‘Tap the brakes at every opportunity to make the passenger’s head jerk backwards and forwards like a Thunderbirds puppet…with increasing force…until they notice and say something’

Apparently, it was done in such a stealthy way that my brother’s head was almost touching the windscreen by the end of it.

He never spoke up – Craig won.


_____________________________________________


The next one is another ‘when friends get pissed at parties’ job I’m afraid.

Lee was his name (Our drummer…A legend when he was alive, and total testament to the phrase ‘only the good die young’…before he ‘bought the farm’ to Lymphoma aged 26, he got up to so many things that I’m surprised I haven’t mentioned him before on these QOTWs…but anyhoo). Lee worked at a garden centre about a quarter of a mile from my parents’ house, so if I had any house parties on a Friday it would be a result for him as he could easily get to work on the Saturday.

9 times out of 10, Lee was the first to pass out when pissed. Unfortunately, he had a habit of getting ‘seriously ambitious’ munchies( the difference between the ‘normal’ munchies and ‘seriously ambitious’ munchies are that, instead of grabbing a packet of crisps from the cupboard, Lee would try to cook a whole roast dinner with the works, yet usually pass out leaving everything to burn….including the kitchen).

So there he was after one of these occasions…lying uber-unconscious after a particularly heavy session.

After we had put the fire out in the kitchen (AGAIN), there was a group of rather annoyed people gathered round the snoring, twat-battered bell-end.

What could we do? The ‘shaving of the eyebrows’ thing was old hat...the ‘drawing over him with permanent marker’ prank had gone stale…we had to think of something new…

So a couple of girls got to work…with their make up. It started quite tasteful, bit of blusher, eye shadow etc., as they were unsure as to how much pressure they could apply without waking him up. Once we had realised that it didn’t matter a jot and he was totally spark out, they continued with ever more layers until they drew the line at the ‘hideous transvestite / cheap 80 year old hooker’ stage. (I’d had a bit to drink so decided to go to bed before I tried it on with him…)

They then tied his grunge-style long hair into a neat French plait and left him til morning.

We waited until he had about 5 minutes before the start of his shift at the garden centre and shook him violently. ”Lee, you cock-spot", we shouted in unison: "You're going to be late for work!”

“Whaaa?...Oh fucking hell!” Exclaimed Lee, looking at his watch, realising he had no time to wash etc and he bolted out the door in full slapper-esque show-girl regalia.

He had made it through the door of the garden centre, and past a few of the ‘early doors’ old grannies before he realised something was up…luckily for him, his boss never saw him and he was able to slither out of there and call a sickie.

Apparently, it was the French Plait that gave the game away, not the shocked and distressed looks of several OAPs when the hugely-hungover bastard lovechild of Julian Clary and Dame Edna Everage sprinted past them.

As he knocked on my front door a few minutes later, his response was surprisingly understated considering the pack of howling-with-laughter party guests that welcomed him back…

“You.are.all.BAAAAASTARDS!!!.” he said.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 17 Dec 2007, 14:19, 5 replies)

A belter!!
*clicks*
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Mon 17 Dec 2007, 14:37, closed)

Very good mr Pooflake
I have recieved quite a battering for doing that to one of my mates, the first time i did it - it was funny, he got pissed off after about the tenth time, i just couldnt help it as he was quite a drunkard and heavy sleeper. The make-up can be quite a bastard to remove.

Have a clicky
( Trollman, Mon 17 Dec 2007, 14:58, closed)

...
I'd've washed my face kept the plait in... allowing the dubious possibility that I'd've been in any fit state to move.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 17 Dec 2007, 14:59, closed)

Click
Brilliant - I do feel the French Plait was a nice finishing touch!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 17 Dec 2007, 17:40, closed)

More on french plaits...
As a fairly heavy sleeper with long hair, I'd often (in the early days of my marriage) wake up with a french plait. This would rarely be noticed before reaching work. They got used to it.
(ReAndyMator has been very bored since July, Wed 19 Dec 2007, 11:27, closed)