Capillary action.
After being told by an older relative that my ginger cousin, bane of my 13 year old existence, had been conceived on the hand-me-down water bed in my room, my best friend and I decided it had to go. We were smart enough to know that two eighth-graders couldn't pick up a half ton king size water bed and tote it out to the curb before my parents got back from the store. So we decided to empty out all that heavy water first. Calling on something we'd seen in some science class, we thought that once we got the water flowing it would continue up and out the window as long as the stream wasn't broken. It made sense at the time and I also blame that jumping water fountain thing at Epcot.
Of course we read the warning sticker near the nozzle on the corner of the bag, but couldn't find the tube to attach and drain it properly. Cut to a half hour's worth of coordinated jumping and pulling to get that corner flopped over a low windowsill over some bushes in the backyard.
The nozzle wouldn't open. After looking over our shoulders we let out the dreaded F word and had a great idea. She went outside and viciously stabbed the bag with a steak knife while I stood in the middle of my bedroom watching in horror as the bag slithered back inside and 180 gallons of fetid water tsunamied everything.

My grandmother found us ten minutes later, frantically pulling the carpet up; every sheet, towel, blanket and rug we could find in the house lying in a soaking wet pile in the hallway. It was such a monumental disaster that she, fearing we would be murdered, took the heat. She told my parents she dropped a lit cigarette on the bed. And she stuck with that story in the face of my Dad's perfectly reasonable doubt, not once in seven years telling him the truth.
Conclusion? No matter how much it squicks you out to think of adults having sex in your bed, science and knives are not the answer.
(Finleigh is as happy as if she had good sense., Sun 27 Jul 2008, 21:49, 6 replies)

Your friend
is an absolute top lass.

Woo, yay and houpla to her!
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sun 27 Jul 2008, 22:48, closed)

Nanna
Your gran rocks!
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 0:17, closed)

I like this story
but when I read it first, I thought it said 'my best friend and I decided to have a go'. So I thought you were going to try to conceive a ginger child on your water bed!

Fortunately, I read it properly the second time.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 9:11, closed)

@K2k6
Glad it wasn't just me!
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 14:49, closed)

^
me too.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 3:55, closed)

^
and me.
(Lord of Marzipan Fact: Clouds are worse than Hitler, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 14:21, closed)