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This is a question Pointless Experiments

Pavlov's Frog writes: I once spent 20 minutes with my eyes closed to see what it was like being blind. I smashed my knee on the kitchen cupboard, and decided I'd be better off deaf as you can still watch television.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 12:00)
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This is ongoing, so please feel free to make suggestions...
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I work for a large organisation. It pains me to admit it, but there you are. My employers suffer from the corporate disease known as "The Presentation".

I have the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to corporate-speak and my brain switches off with the first buzz-word. I have, over the years, perfected some methods of avoiding the brain-atrophy that accompanies attendance at any kind of "Presentation". It also serves to keep me awake (yes, I have nodded off in the past at these things).

First, select your victim. Ideally, this will be the person giving the presentation, but can also be what I call the "vultures" - the ones who sit facing the audience, waiting for a chance to pounce on any member of staff not paying attention.

Then, make eye-contact at least once, without doing anything else. Having established that you are paying attention, the victim will generally make repeat eye-contact on a regular basis.

When subsequent eye-contact occurs, immediately fix your gaze on a random spot on the wall behind them. Lower your brows slightly. If you can manage to look mildly perturbed, so much the better. Glance back to ensure that your victim is now wondering what you're looking at, then return your gaze to your random spot. Lower brows slightly more. This will generally ensure that the victim will feel compelled to check out what you're staring at. If they do, you score a point.

This can be repeated if required, but I prefer to move on to the second stage. Again, wait for eye-contact. Then cross your eyes, without changing your expression in any other way. Only for a second or so, just long enough to make them wonder if you really did cross your eyes. If they look puzzled in any way, you score another point. If not, repeat as required.

The third stage is difficult to perfect. This involves looking absolutely astonished when they state something you know to be a: solid fact and b: common knowledge. The astonished look should only last a couple of seconds, and will, ideally, cause them to double check what they just said. Score another point.

The fourth stage should only be attempted if your job is secure. Under UK employment law, you can't be sacked for any of this, but you can damage your career potential if you push it too far.

This is best carried out when the presentation is winding up. Assume your best "I'm bored out of my skull and not even listening any more" expression. Meanwhile, concentrate fiercely on what's being said, and come up with a really good question or suggestion. By now, the "victim" should be glancing at you frequently, and should notice the bored expression, then proceed to assume the worst. When the final "any questions" stage is reached, make a point of checking your watch at least once, then hit them with your question/suggestion. If they look taken aback or surprised in any way, score a final point.

So far, my points record is a measly five. Any additional stages, or suggestions for improving this experiment in "playing with the boss's head" are welcome.
(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 18:16, 7 replies)
Oooo! your an evil little Witch.
Now I have to get a job in a large company to try this out.
(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 18:58, closed)
Somehow mime
that they have something on their face. Points if they try and discretely try and wipe it.
(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 19:14, closed)
@BGB
you say "evil" like it's a bad thing ....

@MM - I like that one! Must give it a try at the next presentation.
(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 19:17, closed)
I tend to take lots of notes
Or seem to. What I actually do is fill page after page of my notepad with "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." A some point the person next to you (who is no doubt as bored as you are) will wonder what notes you're taking and look over your shoulder. Either keep going or, ideally, press so hard on your pencil the lead snaps.
(, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 19:21, closed)
Hehehe
I empathise with the "nodding off" in these sessions.

I have done the full Jack Nicholson in the Witches of Eastwick thing before and fallen backwards in my chair whilst fully asleep.

Kind of tricky to get out of when someone kindly points out that for the previous few minutes you were snoring loudly enough to rattle the logo'ed pens in the desk tidy!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 6:35, closed)
I fell asleep in a seminar once...
It was a teacher training thing for some summer job, and I'd only had an hour's sleep the night before. I was at the back of the hall, could feel my head dipping and eyes shutting but could do nothing about it as the speaker droned on and on and on...started to doze...then suffered a traumatic case of exploding head syndrome (look it up on wiki). I woke up with a start and shouted something that sounded like WAAUUURRRGGHHH!!, then realised where I was, and that the speaker had stopped and everyone (about 200 people in all)was looking at me. After a few seconds silence, I simply faked a tourettes tic, and said "I'm sAH!sorry... carry on..."
(, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:56, closed)
Buzzword Bingo
Play buzzword bingo!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 20:45, closed)

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