tiger balm
My friend Nic lived with Rocky, who was a dirty dendrophiliac hippy with erectile disfunction.

Rocky came to Nic for advice with his problem, as his girlfriend was sick of the failed sexy times and was threatening to leave him if it did not get sorted out.

Nic told Rocky of the marvelous healing properties of Tiger Balm. He said the gentle heating would encourage blood to his littlerocky and stimulate the gf in unimaginable ways.

Cue several days later Nic can hear excted moans coming from Rocky's room followed by sulky arguing. It had happened again.

Then he heard Rocky saying loudly
"Don't worry, I've got a solution!"
and bounding to the bathroom to acquire the magic cream.

About 2 minutes later this was followed by screams. they started as screams of pure agony as his man bits burned and his hope of the sexy time dwindled forever and then they changed.

They became screams of rage as the hippy realised he had been duped.

Cue one naked screaming hippy holding his burning cock in one hand, runnign through the house bellowing

"Nic! You Fucker! I'll fucking kill you!!!!!"

It was at this point that Rocky remembered that Nic had guests over and that he'd just run into a room filled with, now very amused, 16 year old girls and a few of his closest friends.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 2:19, 4 replies)

Bahahaha!
That's brilliant!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 8:50, closed)

oh please let that be true
woo :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 9:27, closed)

that reminds me
during my student days, and my discovery of shagging properly, I erm, "snapped my banjo string" once, resulting in an enormous amount of blood but zero pain - an unusual combination of factors. I phoned a friend who had told me previously he had experienced this. He quickly said that the only real way to stop the bleeding was to stick it in a glass of cold, and very salty water. Not thinking, I did this. The pain was indescribable, which is a pity as that means i cant describe it other than to say it really, really hurt.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 12:39, closed)

oh yes
It's true. I was one of the 16 year olds in the living room.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 3:18, closed)