Only last summer... the memory is still raw
Driving test, second attempt.

Chingford test centre.

Now, for those of you who are (mercifully) unfamiliar with Chingford, it's full of hills, idiot geriatric drivers and livestock wandering in the roads. It's a SHIT place to do a driving test. Not least because of the car park.

Ahh, the car park.

Tiny, on a huge slope, with diagonal bays pointing the wrong way. One of the reverse moves on nearly every Chingford test is to pull right and then reverse into one of those bays. Whilst avoiding hitting all the other terrified mooks on their driving tests. I still feel vaguely sick thinking about it.

Right at the start of my test, my particular Hi-Visibility clad Nazi told me to pull forward to the right. Beads of sweat break out on my upper lip. I KNOW what he's going to make me do. Forward I drive, taking a sharp right and pulling to a halt.

"Now, I'd like you to reverse into a bay. Any bay..."(insert false jocularity)"..although preferably not one with a car in it already."

My heart is pounding. To compound my terror, it starts to rain. Heavily. I check my blind spots, and start to reverse slowly. I suddenly realise I can't remember the reference points my instructor told me about when doing this. Sweat trickles down my nose. I turn the wheel. Left. Fucksocks! No. Luckily, I remember in time, and turn sharply to the right, stopping turning and straightening the wheels at a random point.

The car is going back slowly, revving gently. I realise that this is the first time I've managed to control the clutch here and not stalled, catapulting the car forward. I exhale, and glance in my wing mirrors. In each mirror, there is the white lines of the bay. Perfectly spaced, perfectly straight. Angels sing. My heart bursts with joy. I'm going in, and I'm going in straight. I'm going to do it! The rest of the test will be a piece of piss after this!

Only... I forgot the key point of bay parking. Like, actually parking the fucker. My reverie was shattered by the crunch of Vauxhall Corsa hitting the back wall of the test centre car park.

Tester: (deadpan) "I'll have to stop you there."

I passed on my fourth attempt.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Fri 5 Jan 2007, 13:44, Reply)