dismal dismal failure
i am a failure, and i often fail to recognise this. but when i think about it I realise that the biggest thing i've failed at so far is life. i'll start anywhere, as i've already failed at identifying where it all went wrong.
I failed to notice that my foreskin was attached to my bell end until i started masturbating aged 11 and a bit of it came away from the head making me think i had i hole in my penis. I went to the doctor, failing to get there on time, and then he pulled the rest away leaving me with a normal penis. I failed to resist crying from the pain. I failed to thank him, and when i got home i once again failed to ejaculate for the first time. I was in the bath at the time, failing to realise that 'stroking' your penis really meant tugging the hell out of it, and when after much stroking i thought the moment had come, a long stream of piss jetted upwards and onto my neck, i failed to find this funny.

when i eventually managed to ejaculate some time later on that year, i failed to realise it was sperm, assuming from all the diagrams that it would be black, and so went downstairs, probably stumbling a bit as i often failed at moving myself around successfully, and asked my dad if what had just come out of me was the right stuff. he failed to keep a straight face and told me yes it was sperm and to stop playing with myself. I failed to stop playing with myself. years on, at 28, i fail to stop playing with myself every morning of my life (which i'm failing at), which means i always fail to get out of bed on time, even though i've failed at having a time to get out of bed by, for i have failed to find a new job since failing at my last job, which involved packing pig livers in an abbatoir. They sacked me because i was a 'useless waste of space'.

another failure - I failed to notice that my grandmother had a cock until I lifted up her dress at the viewing before her funeral. I failed to bother telling anyone this until now, so here, today, I have perhaps succeeded at this. Perhaps this will give me enough hope that I won't attempt suicide today, which I probably would have failed to get aronud to anyway. Even if I did, i'd fail, so I suppose I won't ever bother. Shit, another success: failing to fail at failing suicide.

today feels like a minor triumph over many years of hell. thanks b3ta.

The only thing i haven't failed at yet is suicide
(bossypops, Fri 5 Jan 2007, 14:14, Reply)