Got absolutely, pathetically
mediocre grades at GCSE level, Straight bastard C's, Oh, well, aside from the bloody dramatic failures in Electronics (Because I'm too cack handed to handle a file, A FILE! in Electronics! I ask you...) and History (I was frequently chucked out the bloody room for informing our hideous, gerbil-faced hiefer-arsed bitchcunt of a teacher that Dictating from a textbook and having us scribe our own "Handouts" for the whole hour was completely, straight up moronic)

having been accepted to CHS's prestigious 6th form, (My school was such a bag of wank it actually let me in with them grades) and quit Psychology in a huff, replacing it with a year of RE instruction at AS level, Pretty much to keep me on the books as a full time student.

I managed to grab an A in English at AS, which dropped to a B by A level, for Media Studies (Don't laugh) I got a D at AS, due to doing a newspapery type thing rather than one of the shite films my mates did, which was raised to a C at A level, pretty much soley due to achieving an absolutely fucking blinding victory in the exam by not having got any sleep the night before, and having read Niomi Klein's excellent "No Logo" hoping to pass out from boredom, but winding up engrossed.

First year of uni I got a five grand loan which I proceeded to spend on drink, fags and comics. (I was by this time, and remain, a social leper, So I spent quite a lot of time reading Hellblazer alone and pissed. Did I mention I live at home? I was offered a place in Colchester, but sacked it off to remain in Scouseland, because at the last moment my mate was close to tears at all of his other mates fucking off to far-flung (Well, as far flung as us residents of shitty Liverpudlian outlying scumholes (Bootle and Seaforth, respectively) can envisage, Meaning Newcastle or London, So I consoled him by taking my UCAS "Second Choice")

Course actually turned out to be awesome, We got to do trashy cyberpunk novels and Microserfs and stuff on western Magick, But of course I bollocksed it all up and now i'm repeating that same year, And doing equally shite due to being completely devoid of the ability to plan, or the will to move anymore. Loan all gone, Seem to be unemployable (Have applied for several shelf-stacking posts, only to be knocked back, Maybe I just have an aura of "Monumental Fuckup" about me)

So far I have "Dated" a girl who turned out to want to be a bloke, who right now remains my closest friend and confedante, despite our mutual antipathy for each other, A terminally ill woman older than my mother, (We sort of drifted apart as she and I realised my dating a terminally ill 43 year old married chick was a bit soft of me, really) And a circus midget (Not really, But it's all i'm missing)

So yes, in short I have no idea what the toss i'm going to do with my life, But it better require no qualifications and be open to lecherous, terminally lazy cunts of negligable talents, including social skills, who whine incessantly.

I guess what I want is a job sobbing, wanking, reading "The Bell Jar" and finally wanking some more.

Apololologies for length and shite,

PS. I don't find Jimmy Carr *That* intolerable, but then i'm seriously addicted to Panel shows. He's gotten a few lulz from me in the past I guess. I mean he's not the best "Comedian", if you can call him that, But there's plenty of cringe-inducing arses on TV, such as Jade fucking Goodie, My distaste for her probably stemming from her succeeding, accruing wealth, getting a book out and shite while basically being famous for being a vacuous, loud knobhead, to be honest, But no less valid for it's stemming from jealousy
(Slyph, Tue 9 Jan 2007, 12:54, Reply)