Faking Shakespeare
Prompted by the thread on the Off Topic board I remembered when I appeared in a school production of Midsummer Night's Dream.

I played Hippolyta the Amazon queen betrothed to Theseus the Duke of Athens.

Theseus, in this production, was the faker.

He was played by the captain of the school rugby team.

And for those of you who have been keeping up with me and my past escapades will know that I went to an all-girls' convent school. The play was at the next-door boys' school - half a dozen girls were drafted in for their plays each year.

Of course my hand went up when they asked for volunteers to go to the boys' school.

So...Theseus.

Build like a barn door, extremely good looking.
My first sight of him was at the first rehearsal - he'd walked straight in off the rugby pitch and then stood in front of everyone chatting, while he slowly removed his muddy tracksuit bottoms - inch upon inch of muscular thigh was revealed to us all as he held us in his steely blue-eyed gaze.

Hmmmm......

Erm, sorry.

Sadly he had shorts on underneath, but still, amazing thighs.

Not a dry pair of knickers in the house that day.


And I was to play his girlfriend!


But....


for all his good looks and general rugged sexiness there was one huge drawback....





He was Belgian.




He didn't bother to learn his lines, instead he had them written on pieces of scenery, his costume and the back of his hand.

He was a fake.

And he didn't care. He was told repeatedly to learn his lines, he was repeatedly coached on pronunciation as he had a habit of pronouncing every letter regardless...


But his best line which received the biggest laugh of the opening night was in the first scene where he was to tell me how he loved me.

'Allo, Allo' must have had script writers sitting in the audience.

"Ahhh, nowww faerrrrrr Heeeeepoliteeeerrr, I wooed thee weeeth maaa swwwwooordd!"



And added to that he never even asked me out.





The git.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:09, 3 replies)

Ah well,
I played Francis Flute the bellows-mender when I was about 12. Yes, he's the one that has to act the girl. I was chosen for my face free from stubble. Still, I accidentally got to see Queen Titania's knickers when she sat 'pon the mossy ground awkwardly one rehersal.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 13:52, closed)

Don't worry.
He was obviously a gayer.
( girlinthehole, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 14:37, closed)

And BGB
I have it on good authority that he's now bald.

And fat.


Serves him right.

If he'd dated me when he had the chance he could have kept his hair and his figure.

because I would have killed him and had him stuffed
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 16:30, closed)