You're so fake, I bet you think this post is about you...
Most fakery is a good thing, a bit like telling a little white lie to spare someone’s feelings. Think about it, you fake an orgasm; you’re saving that person from feelings of inadequacy, you fake that you know what your doing in your job…sod it…we all do it, we cant be expected to know everything.

However, one of the most nefarious things you can do is to fake enthusiasm. This is usually done to get what you want or to bend someone to your whim. If you can pretend to be enthusiastic about something when in reality you couldn’t give a monkeys toss, then you are a cold-blooded Machiavellian faker. Lets have some hypothetical examples to back up my opinionated ramblings theory.

Relationships: You’ve been seeing someone for a few months, they seem quite keen but for you it’s no big deal. They are dangerously close to saying the L-word and they want to know how you feel.
You say “You’re very special to me (try not to say “Spesh-ul” with your eyes crossed) and I love spending time with you”.
Reality: You’re ok, not really the person of my dreams, I like having sex with you but I don’t want to marry you.

Job Interview: You’re asked why you want to work for ‘Shotgun, Bastard & Dribble LLP’.
You say: “I am especially interested in your client base, I have 7 years experience in dealing with small to medium sized entities with an average turnover of etc etc etc”
Reality: What? Its just a job dipshit, actually I hate my profession and all that sail in her but guess what? I still need to pay the bills which means I have to spend the majority of my life whoring myself to corporate twats like yourself.

Christmas: Somebody wishes you a merry Christmas
You say: “Merry Christmas”
Reality: Fuck off

Neighbours: Good morning, would it be possible to trim your hedge back a bit as it blocks our light, also, in 2 weeks time we’re going on holiday, could you feed tiddles while we are away…
You say: “Of course, I was just getting round to it and it would be my pleasure to feed tiddles”.
Reality: Ha, I was growing that hedge just to piss you off because of that time you cut it back without permission when I first moved in, if you had any bollocks you would have asked me months ago. I am so going to nose around your house when you’re away, I might even “top deck” your toilet, look it up on the internet you spineless cockmuncher, oh yeah, you cant read my thoughts can you. Can you?

Job Appraisal: It’s your bi-yearly one to one with your manager. They ask if you have enjoyed your first six months.
You say: “Oh yes, everyone is really nice and I find the work both challenging and interesting. I have especially enjoyed being involved with our conversion to international auditing standards”
Reality: Every day that I work here, something inside me dies forever. I am a gnats chuff away from quitting in order to bum around the world for a year.

So there you have it, irrefutable proof that faking enthusiasm makes you worse than Hitler. Who wants a coffee?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:40, 9 replies)

Oh wow!!
A coffee???? I would love a coffee!!!! That would be so amazing!!!!! Seriously, that is the greatest idea in the history of great ideas!!!!
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:45, closed)

Would the world be better if we all told the truth?
Because we all already know that everyone's bullshitting all the time. It makes it difficult to work out when people are genuinely being nice, and when they're just saying what they think they should say.
( Thinker, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:52, closed)

Right, coffees all round
it's only Kenco instant but I like it.

We should all tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Apart from when we have to lie.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:57, closed)

Bottom
*click* for Shotgun, Bastard and Dribble.

I wish they'd make a new series...
(quantum raspberry quizzically quashing Quebecans, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 12:17, closed)

I have used "Shotgun Bastard & Dribble" for so many years now
When discussing any law/accountancy firm that I had forgotten where I had originally heard it!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 12:47, closed)

^
where's it from originally?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 13:20, closed)

^'Tis from 'Bottom'
...one of the finest (if not the finest) comedies ever conceived!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 13:36, closed)

This post is genius.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:30, closed)

glorious
clickey clickety click
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:40, closed)