Faked being a demon
I have a friend, a wonderful dad of 4 teenage lads, poor fella. He used to be my boss and he's genuinely one of the nicest people I've ever met, funny, clever, never calls me a cunt or anything. His one and only flaw, he's quite religious. You wouldnt really know it unless you asked, and he would never ever preach. We spent a few years working together, travelling to customer sites, with plenty of overnight stays in crap hotels and B&B's and plenty of time to discuss life the universe and everything. In terms of religion I am the polar opposite to him but I enjoyed our arguments. His favourite one of mine being "where exactly does it say in the bible that one should go to a cold, stone room and sing crap songs every sunday morning?".

We lost touch for a while, then one day we got talking again. He told me that he and his 4 lads had formed a 'family band', each on a different instrument. He told me that the first 'proper' gig would be on the next sunday. At church. I was promised that "it may surprise you.". Remember. Nice. Religious people are really nice. I hate nice. Almost as much as churches. I only go when a close relative dies/marries in one.

I agreed to go, I liked the guy, he was so happy but to me it was a duty thing, I really really didnt want to sit for an hour and watch this potentially horrible, horrible thing. I suppose, despite our friendship, whole religious family thing just made me think of the Flanderereseses in the Simpsons. I had always managed to separate my friendship with him from the whole churchy family thing.

I formed a plan. An evil, horrible plan. (In retrospect. At the time, i thought it would be funny). I arrived at the church, and met my friend. He and his sons where loading their amps, guitars and whatnot in the main doors. About 30 or so fellow parishners and the vicar were milling around the door, making niceties and laughing at the vicars crap jokes. I was introduced to everyone, I was very polite, they were frighteningly happy (to them I looked like a potential new recruit of course, they must have invited people to church all the time knowing full well they'd never turn up, they'd nearly got me inside. Some of them might have actually been dribbling).

Someone said, 'after you' and gestured to the open doors of the church. Time to execute my plan.

I walked to the door and as I reached the threshold I suddenly bounced off an invisible force field. I staggered backwards, and someone tried to catch me. People looked concerned that I'd hurt myself, I looked confused. I tried again. Nope, bloody forcefield. After a few attempts, I took a running start. In a majestic piece of acting, i 'bounced' violently off the forcefield again, staggered back 20 feet and fell into a bush. I stood up, covered in mud and twigs, and said to the (by now) rather unimpressed congregation "I dont think god wants me to go in.".

My friend took me to one side and said, "look, these are my children, my wife is here, the vicar and some of my oldest friends. You have embarrassed me in the most horrible way. I think you should leave."

And I did. I slouched back to the car and drove off. I've never seen them since.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 13:00, 3 replies)

Brilliant!
Would have loved to have seen it.
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 13:28, closed)

Anyone else
would have offered to help with the amps, turned them up to full volume and metallishness and then hoped that they didn't try it out before they started playing.

Christian bands aren't normally horrendous compared to other amateury bands. Certainly not worth alienating your friends over, so long as you can hold in the gag reflex when they rhyme "Love" with "above" for the 6th time that song.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:09, closed)

how long ago was it?
Give him a call. All that Christian forgiveness bollocks should work in your favour.
( SteamedCleaner, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 19:37, closed)