Gregg Wallace from Masterchef.
The fat shirter.

Next time you see the show, see how he squirms when he has to comment first. This is because hasn't got a fucking CLUE. His qualification as a cooking expert is that he sells cabbages to restaurants. That's IT. Oh and he's eaten loads of food. Wow. Most of it PIES.

He's fine if John Torode speaks first because he can and does simply agree with him. But when he's up first he just gibbers on about 'flavours'. For fuck's sake, it's FOOD - of course you can 'really taste the flavours coming through' - unless it's unseasoned gruel, the food you're eating will indeed have 'flavours coming through'. They maybe fucking disgusting 'flavours', but they will be 'flavours' nevertheless.

I am reliably informed he has lifelong connections with that legendary outpost of gastronomy, West Ham football hooliganism, and has tattoos to advertise this fact. Fine if you're a greengrocer - less so as a so-called leading arbiter of culinary perfection.

Who he bummed to get this job is anyone's guess. So I'm going to guess 'Alan Yentob'.

He's now opened his own restaurant, I believe, and I greatly look forward to reading terrible reviews and of its premature closing within the next year.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 13:20, 1 reply)

He's not completely clueless.
He can also spot when mashed potato has lumps in it.
(richardm, Fri 5 Feb 2010, 16:32, closed)