For me, it is Fearne Cotton.
Before I went to uni, she never really bothered me. But then the days came of lounging around whilst hungover watching tv.

And she was ALWAYS on every channel. It was like that Simpsons episode where Homer keeps changing channel and Mr Burns keeps cropping up on each show.

I couldn't get away from her mutant parrot face. She was permanently pecking into my mind and soul. I was trapped in my own personal hell and she was my own personal Satan.

Here is a list of why I wanted to smoke a fag and put my head in a bucket of petrol:

1. The shitty "cool" clothing.
2. The crappy interview techniques
3. The stupid horse laugh
4. The moronic faces she pulls (like at the end of the DS advert)
5. How funny she finds herself.
6. That nose. That fucking parrot beak of a nose.

Every time I see her I want to punch myself in the face, she enrages me that much. The memory of never being able to get away from her haunts me still.

I'm going to have a cup of tea now, as I've wound myself up a little bit.
(Cylon Bum Raider already knows how this will end, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 16:25, 3 replies)

Smoke a fag and put your head in a bucket of petrol then.
You'll be fine, as long as you get your head in and out quickly. The fag will be extinguished. It's the vapour that's a problem. If you chill the petrol first, you've a better chance of survival.

If you do it right, it will probably be less damaging than the actual damage of the cigarette, or the later referenced punch in the face.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 17:14, closed)

This
makes me want you as a friend.
(Cylon Bum Raider already knows how this will end, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 17:26, closed)

I concur
and laugh heartily at point number 6
( Steerable_forehead Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration,don't fail me now, Thu 4 Feb 2010, 17:52, closed)