A new ritual is becoming common in the Chickenlady home
Every photo in the newspaper or on television which shows a monster, ugly animal, bacteria, in fact anything particularly nasty and unpleasant looking....

a small voice pipes up saying, "I've had 'er"

Or, "I've dated worse"



Thank you PJM, my sons are now claiming to have had carnal knowledge with the monster from Alien.

Or Kerry Katona as she is known in our house.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 11:35, 8 replies)

Oops....
Hmmm.... any similarity between hideously formed, acid spitting lifeforms with serious anger management issues and some of my ex-girlfriends/wives/etc is purely coincidental.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 25 Nov 2008, 11:52, closed)

Next thing you know
he'll be slipping them the Freemans catalogue to check out the underwear pages ....

Men!

*is glad to have daughters*

*remembers UK teenage pregnancy rates*

Er, want to swap? Your boys for my girls? They're house trained, my girls.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 25 Nov 2008, 14:57, closed)

Only if
they can bring in the firewood, start the fire, carry the washing/shopping/books to and from the house/car/washing line, bake chocolate chip cookies, clean out the litter tray and worm the cat.
All of the above are required by any addition to the Chickenlady household.

:)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 15:21, closed)

Okaaaaay
Bring in firewood? check. Start a fire? probably. Carry things to and from car? check. Bake cookies? check, and also cakes, soups and pasta dishes. Clean the litter tray? check. Worm the cat? not even I can do that.... my friend worms ours. She's a vet's nurse and has magical powers over animals.

In addition, they automatically make their own beds, know how to load and start the washing machine, the eldest shares the ironing and the wee one vacuums. As a final incentive, they are very, very talented at separating dad and cash. I bet even PJM wouldn't be immune to two pretty girls with 'puppy dog eyes'. They'll slip you a percentage ....

Actually, thanks. You've made me realise just how much they do help. Proper training along with threats and bribery makes all the difference!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 25 Nov 2008, 16:13, closed)

Is this competetive mum's at work


like wot you hate in your profile ;)
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 16:22, closed)

Nah
If we were being competitive, we'd be boasting about exam results. I deliberately didn't mention any of their less attractive traits ... like, don't ever expect to get your hands on the remote control ... or the laptop .. or the phone.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 25 Nov 2008, 17:17, closed)

Precisely!
And I didn't mention the competitive farting.
Or the arms-race of swear words....how many can you get away with without your mother threatening to send you to bed or, worse still, tell your teacher.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 17:30, closed)

I'm so glad
I'm not the only mum who threatens her kids with "I'll tell your teacher". Particularly my youngest, who has the negotiating skills of an old-time union leader, with all the subtlety of Saddam Hussein!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 25 Nov 2008, 17:47, closed)