T-shirt ritual
I was an only son to a single parent since dad fecked off when I was but six. Times were hard, money was short, but things were generally happy.

Except for the t-shirt ritual.

Each morning mum would shout from the bottom of the stairs that brekky was ready. I'd dress as fast as possible, rush down and scoff my toast or ready-brek or whatever. Then she'd walk me up to school. All well and good.

Except for those times when I'd appear in the kitchen and she'd glare at me and declare "That's the WRONG t-shirt! Why did you do that?!" She'd drag the cursed garment off me and I then had to stand in the hall closet. It was dark, dusty and very hot. I wasn't to make a sound or move, even to go to the toilet, so wet pants often ocurred. Thank God I wasn't afraid of spiders...

About 3:30 - the end of the school day - she'd open the closet door and drag me by the wrist to my bedroom She'd pull open one of the drawers and grab a shirt, seemingly at random "SEE! SEE! SEE! - *that's* the right t-shirt!". I had to stay in my room until the next morning and play the t-shirt lottery all over again.

Strange woman, but bizarrely I do miss her now she's gone.
(apologies_for_length, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 13:42, 11 replies)

Is that....
.... a real story?! Bloody hell, screw missing her, I'd be dancing on her grave!

If that is real, you have my honest sympathy - but hang on a minute, whats that you're wearing...

No really, thats horrible.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 25 Nov 2008, 13:51, closed)

if only ...
... it'd been the trousers you were getting wrong.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 14:12, closed)

Isn't
this child abuse?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 14:17, closed)

^ that's what I was thinking
Christ, you poor bugger
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 14:22, closed)

Please
Let this be a madeupism.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 14:30, closed)

I don't think it's true
None of his answers are.

(But if I'm mistaken, I'm sorry)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 25 Nov 2008, 14:40, closed)

what?!?!
You mean the 'I drank meths' post isn't true?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 15:52, closed)

shirt game
I cba looking through all the archives to check, but wasn't this from a penny arcade comic?
(Gazebo will eat you on, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 16:15, closed)

Ka-Ching!
O that I should live to see such evil days, when the good burghers of b3ta would take so long to peg a blatant PA ripoff...

Not that I read the PA articles you understand. I find the awful, turgid, pompous and overblown writing style teribly offputting.

But some of the cartoosn raise a chuckle. I especially like the one that refers to the Texas DA who was prosecuted for building a sweet gaming PC for world of warcraft using public funds. He rather cutely tried to pass it off as a "back-up server"...

www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/03/12/
(apologies_for_length, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 17:15, closed)

I think I know why your dad left.
Bear with me now...
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 17:04, closed)

I love
Penny Arcade! How did you come across them?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 0:25, closed)