Actually, my best shag...
...was with the cutest little lady you could imagine, who is pretty well known in Britain at least.

We got chatting to each other in a pub in Birmingham and it turns out we were both fans of Garrison Keillor. I didn't really recognise her as being famous at first (which I guess disqualifies me from the "biggest fan" portion of the question). Having said that, as the night wore on and as her alcohol consumption increased, I could sense a definite spark. She gave me her number and we text and chatted for about a month. The next time I was in Brum she text me and asked if I fancied coming round for a coffee.

I go round her house in a rather fancy suburb and to my slight surprise, one of her kids opens the door. I had no idea she had kids but she kinda rose to fame in the late 70s so I guess she was at the age where she could have had a couple of kids around 10 or 12. Anyway, we sit in her kitchen and while I can't remember why or how it happened, we started talking about sex. She started playing with her mug and looking at me in a way that said "yes, it's going to happen". She gave each of the kids £10 and told them to go to the shops.

Before the door had even clicked shut she'd run me upstairs, half kissing and fondling me in a mad dash to the bedroom. She slides on top of me and the kissing is passionate. She slides off and says "sit tight". So there I am, lying in a kind of famous person's bed, looking up at her ceiling and publicity shots in chintzy frames dotted around this bedroom and I hear the bathroom door open.

Holy Christing Fucknuckles.

She's wearing school uniform.

She went to town on me like only an older woman could, making me pull muslces I didn't know I had. For 2 hours we basically just tore at each other, discarding her school uniform all over the place. After hearing the kids at the end of the road, we hastily got dressed and ran back downstairs. We may well have looked incredibly guilty (I know I felt a bit bad), but the kids were loaded up on sugary treats, and the rest of the afternoon went by as if nothing happened.

I left there wondering if I was some celebrity squeeze and giggling to myself. Unfortunately, she reconciled with her ex husband about a month after, but thanked me for that one afternoon.

To this day, I still think of her stood before me in that school uniform. If you're reading this, you were the best shag I have ever had, Jimmy Cranky.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 22:39, 4 replies)

that was
Pure evil, click
(knackerz is skinning up, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 2:48, closed)

she is well known amongst the techs at glasgow theatres
as a fan of the dressing room spit roast , and her unofficial biography makes your tale sound rather dull . Fan dabi double dozy
( horace wimp needs more than 49 characters to fully express hi, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 13:35, closed)

Hooray!
That was brilliant. I knew there would be a twist, but I saved myself from spoiling it.

*click*
( chart cat has an itch, Sun 19 Apr 2009, 5:25, closed)

God I want this to be true.
I had to Google for the reference to make sense, but now that I know who she is...

...yeah.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 21 Apr 2009, 13:28, closed)