Ian Wright
185 goals in 288 appearances for Arsenal, 8 goals in 33 appearances for England, 1991/2 golden boot winner, MBE, television presenter, winner of 1 league, 2 FA cups, 1 league cup, 1 cup-winners' cup, nearly 400 professional goals, once told me...

to "fuck off".

That is all.

Also, Bob Hoskins' dad once made me a cup of tea.
(Axeman Jim, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 1:34, 10 replies)

Yup
That sounds about par for the course.

98% of footballers are complete twats in real life.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 7:57, closed)

99% actually
My girlfriend was stalked by a Portsmouth reserve chappie last year, he was a total cunt and ended up punching her in the face because she wouldn't go out with him; fortunately he has now been suspended for drug use.

If anyone knows anything about sport his name is Elliott something - I tried to find him on their utterly-shit website but couldn't.

I'd like some help on this, if anyone could. I'd very much like a 'word' with this fellow...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 8:50, closed)

Elliott Parish
I think. We had a look at him at Cov City for a bit last summer - think he's a goal keeper.

If you're in the market for twatting a footballer named Elliott could I recommend Elliott Ward? He's our donkey of a centreback and could do with a good kicking - might knock some sense into him. As Moss from the IT Crowd would say: "Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"

Tch...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 9:30, closed)

Thank you very much mate
I am very much a man of peace, but I will find a way of wreaking some kind of vengeance on that fellow if indeed that's him.


*EDIT* I Google imaged that name and I don't think that's him. Long dark hair, I was told. Hmmmm...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 9:41, closed)

Painful retribution on a footballer?
Where do I sign?
( Cawl, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 10:12, closed)

And 100% justified, too
It was fucking awful. I was two hours' travel away from her and had to hear it happen live on the phone, powerless to do anything. She wouldn't let me call the old bill either.


*seethes*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 10:27, closed)

This sounds totally valid grounds
For beating him like a recently-toppled statue of Saddam Hussein.
( Cawl, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 10:42, closed)

Yup
a literal shoeing is required.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 10:46, closed)

Preferably
With one of Rosa Klebb's clogs...
( Cawl, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 11:03, closed)

I've actually sat on Ian Wright's lap.
He came to my primary school. Didn't want to talk to any of us, but we all had to sit on his lap and get our pictures taken.
(The Artist Formerly Known As &c You can order curries ONLINE these days., Wed 22 Apr 2009, 9:36, closed)