* PFFT *I've been pretty farty all week, but 2 large helpings of sausage and lentil stew last night have really tipped things over the edge. I swear you can see these ones.
I'm here at work trying to hold them in so I (a) don't have to keep nipping to the loo like a madman and (b) don't gas half the office, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I might rupture something if I'm not careful.
Tell us all about your own fartiness.
(
chthonic, Fri 13 Jul 2007, 14:01)
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A Guide to Farting in Elevators1. Relax. You don't want to make noises, the victims MUST be taken by surprise. DO NOT force it out ( you may end up touching cloth and or following through and you wouldn't want to go into a meeting and sit down with a 'squelch' now would you?)
2. Let it all go. The smell will be diluted with air, so you must provide all the fart you can!!
3. Whatever you do, DON'T SMILE!! If someone sees you smiling you're on your own. Just a little grin may ruin it all. (Alternative: Tell a good joke before starting the mission)
4. Do not Cough. Same principle than before. Not During the act, not afterwards. Don't Cough at all.
5. Put your best "Someone Farted" Poker Face, but don't make the first NOR the second comment. These are always the first suspects - It is a commonly held belief that whoever smelt it, dealt it.
6. Don't do it when there's only 2 guys in the elevator.
7. Don't blame, but look blamingly. Choose the fattest guy in the elevator (Unless it's you, duh), Soon everyone will suspect your suspect.
8. Finally: Stay in there as long as you can. It's worthy and your body has activated a natural defense, which makes your own Farts smell pleasant to you.
(Extra tip: If you're in a car, be sure it's a cold day, so there's no windows open and no air conditioner)
(, Tue 17 Jul 2007, 20:11, Reply)
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