* PFFT *I've been pretty farty all week, but 2 large helpings of sausage and lentil stew last night have really tipped things over the edge. I swear you can see these ones.
I'm here at work trying to hold them in so I (a) don't have to keep nipping to the loo like a madman and (b) don't gas half the office, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I might rupture something if I'm not careful.
Tell us all about your own fartiness.
(
chthonic, Fri 13 Jul 2007, 14:01)
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Where to begin...It's a good thing I'm a girl, what with girls not breaking wind or experiencing arousal or performing other grotesque bodily functions, otherwise I might have done something like...
The time my best friend and I decided to compete for the love of a young man by having a fart fight. In front of him. And I won because my friend just couldn't compete with my level of long, bass, sofa-vibrating rumbles. As I positioned myself to KO her with a direct blow to the head she tried to defend herself by shoving a pillow up to my arse. She felt both the vibration, and the wind of my passage through the pillow, and I was victorious. Never did get the guy, though... wonder why.
Also, slightly off-topic, but I also hold a record for the scariest shits my other half has ever seen. They're just a bit big, really, but recently when I was unwell they compacted into terrifying proportions. About 6 inches long, 2 inches + wide and SOLID. Bloody painful; I had to press down on the edge of my arsehole to help them through because I simply couldn't stretch any more. Then a particularly nutty one (which stung like buggery and took me 30 min to push out) tore me open inside and I pooped blood for 3 days...
So it's a good thing I'm a sweet, feminine, girly creature whose fragile body doesn't produce such disgusting bodily waste.
(, Tue 17 Jul 2007, 21:21, Reply)
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