Longdrops of DOOOOOM!
Festival toilets. What a beautifully horrific thing they are. Closer to the stages you are safe with a (relatively) shit free portaloo, closer to the camping however one has to face the Longdrops of DOOOOOM!

My first experience at download '06:

My friend tried to prepare me for them, mostly her repeating
Whatever you do, try your hardest not to look"

Walk towards longdrop, can smell them halfway across the campsite due to it being the hottest weekend of the year.
Icecream van parked right next to them. TASTY!
Loo rolls hanging on string before you go in. There is a drunk bloke pissing ON the loo rolls.
Find a free cubicle AAAARRRGGHH! the horror! I've seen some shit filled portaloos before but nothing can prepare you for that huge vat of excrement and the splashing noises you hear are the person next to you goes for a dump.

I saw:
3 Jumpers
1 Pair of trainers (and 3 or 4 odd shoes)
A tent
A bloke's wallet - it had landed on the shit free support holding the loo up, but to retrieve it would mean going in.

What I did not see:
The (probably not real) man dressed as a pirate wearing wellies, trudging around the poo and sticking his head up through the occasional loo seat and shouting "POP UP PIRATE!"
I think my friend may have lied to me about that bit
(ecilA Alice...has nothing to do, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:35, 6 replies)

.
Oh yeah I'd forgotten the dark green toilet blocks, The Heat traps and the slurry pit underneath them.
I found the best way to deal was take a Bandanna wad it up thick and then wrap it tight around the mouth and nose, and then in and out as quick as humanly possible.
Yeucchh
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:46, closed)

I fell asleep in one.
Luckily it was a port-a-loo right at the back of the festival where I was camped so they hadnt been used as much.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:49, closed)

*click*...
Purely for the mental image of the Pop-Up Pirate.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 14:55, closed)

The long drops...
beat the sweat box Turdis portaloos any day of the week in my opinion. There's something nice about taking a crap with a breeze blowing around your ankles.

But yeah, try not to look down ;-)
(kohoutec, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 20:39, closed)

!
I really want the popup pirate to be true!
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 16:00, closed)

Surely in this case it should be Poo-Pipe Pirate?
Or does that make it sound like a very different sort of Pirate?!
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 14:37, closed)