Storming the Castle 2006
This is a bike festival held, oddly enough, in the grounds of a castle in the wilds of North East England. We'd got tickets specifically because the Levellers were headlining on the Saturday evening. However, on awaking on Saturday morning we were a bit dismayed to see that it was pissing from the heavens in a manner that reminded me of me after a particularly heavy night on the beer. Relentless; just when you thought that it might be easing a bit, a further torrent would be mercilessly unleashed.

Putting up a tent in that wouldn't be fun. Oh no. So a plan was formed; we'll take the tent in the car, and if it's still spunking rain from the heavens, one of us will stay sober and we'll drive home after the band have finished.

When we got to the site, the rain had stopped and the sky was clearing. It could have been described as pleasant, if it weren't for the copious levels of mud. Still, this means we can both relax and have a drink. Yay.

After putting the tent up, we sauntered around the site, grabbing some food and having a look at the stalls, before going to the big marquee where the bands were playing. The evening passed, we enjoyed the bands, and the chatting to random strangers. It was on the way back to our tent that we noticed it - a portaloo, lying on its side, and half submerged in a muddy puddle. A familiar stench of chemicals laced with piss and shit assaulted our senses. A bouncer was looking slightly grim. We asked him what had happened.

Turned out that someone had been ejected from the venue for being a bit of a knob; in his drunken disgust at being treated so shoddily, he had taken a flying leap at the big blue box of fetidness, and knocked it over.

Unfortunately, there was a girl still inside. A girl who was somewhat upset at suddenly finding herself horizontal and becoming rapidly covered in the remnants of God-knows how many hundreds of festival goers half digested burgers, piss and chemicals.

A bit grim. I felt sorry for whoever would be sharing a tent with her that night, as there were no shower facilites on site.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 6 Jun 2009, 13:56, Reply)