Sneaking into festivals.
My mate, who we shall call Dave is an expert at sneaking into fezzies, i don't know why but he just has a certain magic about him.

* V festival: Walked straight past the security, having briefly nodded at the first security guard, the other must have assumed nobody could be that cocky as to risk walking past the other six.

* V festival: Again the same thing the following year.

* Glastonbury festival 05 : Same, walked past the security, no questions asked.

* Sunrise festival: This is believe was his proudest moment.
Having being dropped off about two miles from the actual entrance to the festival (his rucksack in the boot of his mates car, leaving him with nothing but his phone, drugs and the coat on his back)with the intention of meeting his mate a bit further on, who would at that point have a 'spare' wristband.
For some strange reason his hypnotic jedi/ Derren Brown mind didn't work on the Somersetian stewards (maybe scrumpy cider has immunititive properties, who knows?), so without further ado, dave walked off around the corner away from the stewards, hopped over a wall, sneaked through a large junk yard (avoiding a range rover full of security) and hid.
After they eventually drove off, Dave hoppped over another fence into the fields and voila he could see the perimeter mesh fence of the festival several fields away.
Next, he bumped into a group of about six other people who were sneaking into the fezzie and declined their offer of sneaking in with them. He headed off in a slightly different direction, keeping lowin the grass, hopping through hedges and tip toeing across the road into parallel fields.
And so on... Until he got to a farm and realised that the only way onwards was to run through the farm yard and somehow not get spotted by anyone (including the dogs or the bloke in tractor)... Unfortunately he was spotted by the dogs and had to run across the farm, through a hedge and into the next field which unfortunately was divided by a rather big stream/river.

To his dismay, as he was pondering how to cross the water, he heard a vehicle pull over and he turned to see a police car on the other side of the hedge and two coppers getting out. The farmer must have alerted security.

Shit! he thought, better hide, luckily his cgreen and brown camouflage coat enabled him to blend into the green grass, and for an agonising five minutes that must have seemed like an eternity, he lay perfectly still. The police eventually buggered off.

Relieved and ecstatic he got to his feet and again tried to find a way over the water, but his options were few: Get soaked, risk the road, risk the farm or give up.

As he was ponderng these, he barely had time to notice a police range rover had pulled up on the other side of the fence and two more police officers stepped out of the vehicle.

This time Dave was unprepared and barely had time to hide behind a tree, thankfully just in the nick of time, when his fucking phone started ringing and the copper spotted him.

Quick as a flash, Dave smiles his typical shit eating grin and simply said 'Oh sorry Officer, i wasn't hiding from you, i was trying to get to the car park where my girlfriend would be greeting me with my workers wristband, as i'm a day late and the stewards at the gate didn't believe me'... (his friend on the phone heard every single word)

The copper stopped. Stared at him.

Dave shitting himself, hoping to god that the officer doesn't search his pockets and find a moderate personal quantity of disco biscuits and skunk.

So Dave wanders over, shakes the officers hand and again his unyielding cheekiness erupts.

'Officer do you mind if use your telephone to ring my girlfriend?'

'Sure, you can sit in the back seat, we'll drive you to the car park'

So the officer passes Dave his mobile phone and he proceeds to ring his mates.

The telephone call goes something like this:

Dave: 'Oh hi mate, i'm in the carpark, the police have been nice enough to give me a lift past the stewards'

Friend A: 'What the fuck! You should have waited at the entrance, we've been out looking for you'

Dave: 'Ok thats nice. Can you put (Friend B) on the phone please, she has my wrist band'

Friend B: 'Have you been arreste. OMG, Dave what' happened.., FUCK!!!'

Dave: 'Yeah thats cool, yeah just meet me in five minutes then, just look for the police range rover'

Friend B: 'I'm not fucking sneaking you in, in front of the police'

Dave: 'Yeah just bring the spare wrist band, cheerio... bye'

Then the most uncomfortable ten minutes of his life as the police started asking question.

Where are you working? Where are you from? What do you do?

And luckily friend B came out with a 'borrowed' wrist band and despite the fact it was clearly clamped shut (i.e slipped off skinnier friends wrist) and the fact that the wrist band was a punters wrist band and not a workers wrist band, and despite the fact he had clearly been caught sneaking in, and that he had a pocket full of drugs....

The police had more or less unknowingly driven him to his destination and even let him use their phone.

He shook their hands, thanked them for their time and gave friend B the biggest kiss on her cheek and spent the next few minutes awkwardly struggling with the under sized wrist band, before getting it on only a few yards away from the police.

He then walked past the stewards, and i assume it was the happiest moment of his life.

Legend.

100% True story.

Length - Six fields or so.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 6 Jun 2009, 21:18, 1 reply)

Hahaha, nice
think i'm gonna try sneak into leeds this year, gonna try squeeze into a rucksack and be carried in..... sounds unlikely to happen, but will be epic if it works.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 3:21, closed)