Apologies if I have told this before.
A couple of years ago I was in Ulverston coinciding with their annual Dickensian Festival.

My other half’s flat had a direct view out over the main road that runs through the town centre, so I sat idly looking out the window at the crowds below. There were people dressed as Dickens, as sweeps, as mayors, as Victorian ladies and gentlemen and servants and Oliver Twist and all sorts.

And there was a pirate. A four or five year old pirate. Being herded about by his Mum and Dad who were nudging him in one direction, then the other and turning him to face this way and that. It looked odd, until I saw the press photographer and realised they were obviously hoping to get their little pride and joy onto the front page of the local paper.

‘Aw’ I thought ‘The proud parents, how sweet’

And then I noticed something odd. His sword was round. And black. And shiny. And about two foot long. And rotating at the tip. The bell end shaped tip.

The jolly japesters had given their son a double ended, flexible, rotating dildo to use as a sword.

I didn’t know whether to piss myself laughing or call social services. I do sincerely hope he got his picture in the paper though.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 8:36, 2 replies)

It's probably just a way of answering the kid's question
"Mummy, what's that?"

"err... it's a sword son. Your father and I were fencing last night... re-enacting the spanish inquisition. Hence the banging about and screaming to God..."

Then the festival rolls around and the kid asks if he can have his mum's "sword". She's not likely to go back now; she's even used it to explain her solo "re-enactment practises". So they just smile and try to get him a photo that he'll be really proud of- "that's me in the paper, that is!"- until he finally finds out what it was he was holding.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:29, closed)

i live round there
i don't think i ever saw that in the paper, sorry :(
(stapleface, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:22, closed)