How clean is your house?"Part of my kitchen floor are thick with dust, grease, part of a broken mug, a few mummified oven-chips, a desiccated used teabag and a couple of pieces of cutlery", says Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic. To most people, that's filth. To some of us, that's dinner. Tell us about squalid homes or obsessive cleaners.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 13:00)
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Phil the baleful root vegetableThrough an as-yet inexplicable turn of events, a small potato found its way onto my kitchen windowsill. Being starved of pet attention and generally disinclined towards tidying, I christened this root vegetable ‘Phil’. Phil, my pet potato.
Phil lived on through the warm months and the cold, sitting self-importantly in his potato bowers overlooking my overgrown Camden garden. He gained a jaunty cap, a perceptive smirk and a few admirers as, though the seasons, he took on a green and craggy demeanour. His smile became a menacing smirk and even his little stalks of potato ‘eyes’ dimmed, turned to dust, and blew away. In the end, Phil was half the potato he once was. It was hard to see Phil like this and, during the revolutionary act of cleaning, Phil was callously buried in drawer with some other useless life accoutrements.
A decade passed. I gained employment and a healthy respect for germs. I moved to the country and, upon unpacking my kitchen, found Phil – stone-solid and alone.
Some things never change, though. I crammed him in a drawer because throwing him away would have been too much like work. There he stays.
Hundreds of years from now, archaeologists will dig up a petrified potato with a lipstick grin and a dunce cap and pass some sort of judgement over our civilisation.
(, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 11:12, 2 replies)
Picture Required for thisI want to see him
(, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 11:36, closed)
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