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Enzyme says: Tell us your tales of grot, grime, dirt, detritus and mess

(, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 13:04)
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Probably not the last story about students
In my first year at Uni, I was unlucky enough to occupy the room opposite the bathroom nearest the main entrance to what, at the time, was the largest student halls of residence in the UK. Unlucky because this meant that it was the first port of call for pretty much every single one of the several hundred blokes that lived there, when on their way back to their room after a night out.

So naturally the corridor outside the bathroom was noisy at all hours, and smelly (some residents didn't quite make it through the door) while the bathroom itself was...indescribable, much of the time.

I never went in in bare feet, for obvious reasons. I always went to a different floor to have a shower or bath, because as far as everyone else was concerned these were just larger urinals (and therefore easier to hit when you're trolleyed).

The cleaners hated the place, of course, because it was their job once per week to try to make the place vaguely sanitary. So, stem the tide of piss that was threatening to seep out the door; scrape up the dried shit and puke that didn't quite make the bowl; and retrieve whatever had been left to fester in the baths and showers.

They staged a work-to-rule, however, when they encountered THE BIGGEST SHIT IN THE WORLD. I'm honestly not exaggerating when I tell you that it stood up, ramrod-straight, and its tip was only slightly below the lip of the bowl. And to top it off -- literally -- it had a couple of bits of undigested corn that peered out at you like beady little eyes. It was so impressive, lads were taking their girlfriends into the stall to witness its magnificence.

A note appeared on the bathroom door, Monday morning after the cleaners had been in, with words to effect that they weren't going near it and whoever had produced it could jolly well get rid of it themselves.

Oddly, nobody wanted to own up. It sat there for another day or so, its stink seeping out, along with an amusing poster ("Roll up and see the eight wonder of the world" and so forth) on the door.

It was clear that no-one else was going to do anything about it and being closest, my room was most likely to be invaded by its stench. Reluctantly, I stepped up.

Flushing did nothing. Half-hearted pokes with the brush -- I really didn't want to get too close -- only seem to amuse it. In the end, it took a thorough mashing and untold flushes to finally slay the beast and clear the cubicle for the next client.

I still have nightmares about it.
(, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 13:51, 4 replies)
had me silent office lolling there..
(, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 13:55, closed)
Good grief.

(, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 14:04, closed)
You tasted it first though, right?

(, Thu 2 Feb 2012, 15:01, closed)
Click from me
Just for being the bigger man and dealing with it.
(, Sat 4 Feb 2012, 12:15, closed)

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