That's a shitty hand. No bluff here.
WillF's post reminded me. And I'm sure many parents can relate having experienced similar.
Changing a pooey bum in 6 easy steps.

1. Prepare change table, have fresh nappy unfolded, shuggled & ready for use. Have powder, cream, unguents, nappy-crap sack/bin, wipes & whatever else deemed necessary within easy reach.
2. Place bubby on table, undo nappy. Grimace. Clean up with wipes, chuck nappy into the rubbish to slowly breakdown and cause untold problems for future generations. Feel slight sense of guilt. Get over it.
3. Reach over for fresh nappy. Notice turtle-head rapidly escaping baby's bum. Shriek. Place hand under baby's bum to catch fresh shit 'cause nappy is now fumbled out of other hand and dropped in haste to get it.
4. Stand there, resigned to the fact that baby is now shitting in your hand. Look lovingly at child, store memory away for telling at child's 21st (& possibly to be posted on dodgy website). Chuck baby poo in the loo, wash hands really fucking vigorously.
5. Repeat steps 1 thru 3 using fresh nappy retrieved off the floor.
6. Scrub hands till bloody whilst trying not to retch.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 5 Feb 2012, 8:54, 10 replies)

You missed step 3a
That phone call you've been waiting for? Yes that happens right after step 3. Look at poo filled hand. Look at phone. Realise that you'll have to call them back some considerable time later.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Sun 5 Feb 2012, 12:02, closed)

And Step 4
is normally accompanied by a stream of piss to the eyes, at least in the case of little boys.
(WillyJohnson, Sun 5 Feb 2012, 18:19, closed)

Shuggled?
I found that any fear of feces was quickly lost after the arrival of my first child. Dignity went pretty quickly, too.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 5 Feb 2012, 19:52, closed)

Unfolded and shaken.
As you can see from some of my other posts my poo paranoia isn't high but they sure as fuck didn't cover that situation in ante-natal classes.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 5 Feb 2012, 21:27, closed)

Ante-natal class
never gets anywhere past "it doesn't smell as bad when it comes from one of your own." Useless.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 5 Feb 2012, 22:49, closed)

Agreed - ours turned into a fitball bowling comp. down the corridors.
I reckon some Dr.s get a commission based on how many 1st-timers they send.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 5 Feb 2012, 23:48, closed)

You can't take your eyes off them
When our first was small we were taking him to see some friends. This required us to get up quite early and I was changing him while still trying to wake up.

I was busy applying the "barrier cream" to our son's nethers when I suddenly realised that I was smearing something else too...

Just wait till they start walking around. My wife still hasn't realised that you can't take one nappy off and then go into the other room to get a clean one.
(Mork, Mon 6 Feb 2012, 9:40, closed)

Top tip:
Avoid moaning about your having to change your children's nappies by not having any children.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 6 Feb 2012, 10:52, closed)

Shut up & get back
to your inbred Bene Gesserit cat breeding program you barren old bitch.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 6 Feb 2012, 11:18, closed)

It's just shit.
Provided you don't eat it or rub it into any open wounds, it can't hurt you.

Do what you need to do, then wash your hands - soap and hot water works just fine.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 6 Feb 2012, 13:12, closed)