Dear Dr Freud...
Shameless that I am, I still find myself disturbed by this confession:

The first time I was ever taken to a public swimming pool, my head was turned by a tall, leggy yummy mummy strutting past wearing nothing but a tiny, yellow bikini, wobbly bits wobbling away like nobody's business. The rudeness of this sight was seared directly onto my brain, and after all these years I can see her even now. She's probably in her 60s these days, and gravity being such this it is, they hang somewhere round her ankles.

I decided there and then that I must own one of these yummy mummies. A plan was hatched to capture as many as three, tie them up and hide them behind the bins on our housing estate, where I could strut up and down and inspect my prizes. I even went through a trial run of the kidnap operation, in which I would swoop down a steep hill on my tricycle, sweep up my victim and take her - tied and gagged - to my cunning hiding place where they would be forced to wear a yellow bikini.

I was five years old.

I think I'm over that stage now. Honest.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 13:27, Reply)