The mechanism on my toaster is faulty...
and it won't hold the toast down automatically at first. I have to slide my bread down and hold it there for about 20 seconds before it will actually stay down without me holding it. I spend most of the time while I'm waiting calculating how much time I'd waste over a given year holding the toaster down when it should do it for itself. Then I realise I'm needlessly scorching both sides of an over-processed slice of carbohydrates, while some people in the world have nothing. I feel bad for a second, but then I think about how much I fucking love Bovril.

Also, my kettle was leaking, but I've now replaced it. However, the lever to switch it on flips in the opposite direction to my old one, and I still haven't gotten used to it.
( guffguff fuckes your gradeds balls!, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 21:13, 10 replies)

These are truly first-world problems.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Mon 5 Mar 2012, 21:56, closed)

Bovril on toast ftw

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Mon 5 Mar 2012, 22:01, closed)

available at your local eBay:
www.automaticbeyondbelief.org/
( Squilliam but . . . . *I'm* the one with all the talent!, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 23:12, closed)

"Dating your toaster"?
Now that's just weird.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 1:20, closed)

I've gone through 4 electric kettles in 5 years.
The poncy windows all leak, just after the warranty expires. I now use a proper kettle on the stove. No leaks, no lids to unclip, and no switches to be different on every kettle.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 3:53, closed)

I hate my toaster too.
It goes up to '5'.
'1' gives you warm bread, '1.2' gives you something you could tile a roof with.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 8:58, closed)

Tiles?

(Mr Fudge It shouldn't be illegal to have sex with an eagle, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:37, closed)

female toaster logic...
Rather than set the toaster to 3,4 or whatever, the missus sets it to 1, then sets it off up to 4 times ' cost if I set it to 4 it burns'.
A toaster lasts about 9 months. Kettles the same, even expensive ones. Designed to fail!
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 10:16, closed)

You think that's bad?
Someone I work with keeps moving the setting on the communal toaster to low, so when my toast pops up IT'S NOT DONE.

Bastards.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 10:29, closed)

Shiiiiiiiiiit!
Utter cunts! At least it's set too low, so you can toast it multiple times (at great inconvenience I might add). Imagine if it was set too high and burnt your toast!

Worse than the bloody Holocaust...
( guffguff fuckes your gradeds balls!, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 21:13, closed)