Flirting Isn't Harmless
When I get nervous my mouth engages before my brain has a chance to catch up.

A while back I went to the dentist at the end of Kentish Town Road in North London just next to the Greek Cathedral on account of losing a filling in a freak eating-a-bacon-sandwich-whilst-drunk incident. Dentists make me nervous. I’m not skittish about going, I’m just not too keen on the INTENSE FUCKING PAIN caused by all the injections and drilling. And those little balls of cotton they pack your cheek out with make me feel nauseous and strangely violated.

So, I’m in the waiting room flicking through the Readers Digest, checking out the tits on the Aboriginal girls in this article I’d found, when my name gets called. Trembling slightly, I venture into the dentist’s office and spot the chair and the elderly dental nurse and the incredibly fit Spanish dentist with long silky black hair and a figure I’d have liked to ski down.

“Hello,” said the dentist.

“Hello,” I said, suddenly confused. I was feeling slightly aroused and petrified at the same time. I imagine this is what a male praying mantis feels like just before he shoots his insect junk, knowing he’s about to have his head chewed off (and not in a nice way).

I sit in the chair, get a whiff of fit Spanish dentist’s perfume. It might’ve been the pink stuff they get you to swill your mouth out with, but fuck it, it smelt good on her. Then she puts her arm on my shoulder and tells me to calm down with a little chuckle.

“You look rigid!” she said.

Instantly, I glance down at my cock – the little fella was sleeping, thank fuck. No tent pole toga action going on there. Getting a hard on while laying back in a dentist’s chair would just be, well, fucking weird and uncalled for.

“I just get a bit scared,” I admitted. And then fit Spanish dentist set about putting me at ease while she set up all the gear and started prodding round inside my gob with a little mirror, inadvertently rubbing her boobies on my arm. I tensed. Finally she reached for a syringe and my eyes went wide.

“You’re going to feel a little prick in your mouth,” she said.

To which I instantly shot back: “I bet you say that to all the boys... “ with a little chuckle. It went down like a pork spit roast with anthrax seasoning at a Jewish wedding served up by a couple of members of the Hitler Youth. As my dentist’s amiable smile turned sour, as if she was suddenly smelling the heady aroma given off by a skip load of used nappies smeared with cream cheese and left out in the sun for a few days to ripen, I quickly added: “shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

So, let’s run through that again:

Dentist: “You’re going to feel a little prick in your mouth.”

Me: “I bet you say that to all the boys... shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

It made absolutely no sense at all.

I’d just alluded, in one incredibly fucked up sentence that this incredibly fit Spanish dentist was actually a lady boy complete with fully functioning pocket rocket and twin furry asteroid combo, and that ‘she’ enjoyed whipping down her pants and t-bagging ‘her’ package in the mouths’ of her prostrate patients where they lay.

And even as my brain processed this information I remembered what I’d followed this up with... Namely, I’d suggested to this woman – this woman armed with a great big fucking needle and surrounded by enough torture equipment to make Genghis Khan’s japs eye weep with excitement in his grave – that I’d quite like to put my cock in her gob.

And, as the silence intensified and became almost tangible, I realised the worst part of all. I’d admitted to this gorgeous vision of perfection that I had a ‘little prick’...

Fit Spanish dentist sort of frowned down at me. She didn’t say another word.

And she didn’t even wait for the novocaine to kick in properly before she started drilling. I think we were both a little embarrassed.

I was out of there in fifteen minutes flat. Hurt like the proverbial muttha-fucker...

I go to a dentist over in Chalk Farm now. His name's Dennis. We don't discuss putting cocks-in-mouths. We're both happy with this arrangement.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 17:10, 4 replies)

Yet
another masterpiece, had it sussed as yours half way through.
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 17:16, closed)

Your style is so recognisable!
Doesn't stop it being funny as fuck though.

*Kliketty*
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 18 Feb 2010, 17:17, closed)

Recognised it was you within a few lines, you do have a very distinct style
Love the end line. *Clicks*
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 17:57, closed)

I went to a german dentist once.....
he was distinctly average but his assistant was his very hot daughter, who had a cracking free-roaming rack that almost took my mind off the polishing thingy she was scraping my teeth with. I was almost in love.... then she spotted a cavity he'd missed. Bitch
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 15:02, closed)