If years of chronic masturbation have left you shortsighted like me
I’ve got some advice for you.

If you’re harmlessly flirting with the barmaid in your local do not, and I repeat, DO NOT, remove your spectacles and give them a perfunctory cleaning rub on the hem of your t-shirt whilst making whimsical, eloquent small talk.

From her point of view on the other side of the bar where she can’t see the bottom half of your body, it looks like you’re furiously throttling the one-eyed trouser monster while engaging her in a bit of idle chit-chat.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:16, 5 replies)

And ... and that's a BAD thing
Right?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:20, closed)

Trouser "monster"

(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 10:06, closed)

There's an urban legend about a lady hairdresser attending to a male client
She sees his hand moving up and down underneath the sheet and pulls it aside shouting "You dirty pervert!"...


...and he's cleaning his glasses.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 10:07, closed)

I PROVED IN A COURT OF LAW THAT'S WHAT I WAS DOING.
ITS THERE IN BLACK AND WHITE.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 10:30, closed)

Is that why they call you...
'zebra cock'?
( snee held his breath since, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 12:27, closed)