miami vice
in october 2008 i went to miami with my friends evie and steph. we were told that the delano was the place to go on a tue night, so come the tuesday, we dressed ourselves up real nice and took ourselves off for some swanky drinks.

unbeknown to us, the delano was that night hosting a property conference. as anyone who works in property can attest, it is a very male dominated world. the result was a bar swarming with men in suits, ranging from the blisteringly hot to the downright dodgy and sleazy. between having (female) breasts and british accents, we were much in demand - frankly there was so much testosterone in there that maggie thatcher would have been in demand - and generally had a great time flirting and being bought drinks left, right and centre.

at least, steph and i did. evie, who had a boyfriend at the time, was being good. so good that she ignored the flirty overtures and come-hither eyes of a million estate agents, and instead was chatting to a nice old man at the bar. his name was richard, and he seemed like a very bright but terminally dull guy. he also looked about 70. now this was the week before the USA elections, and he was holding forth about politics. an hour or so later, richard and evie had made their way to our table, and richard was talking to steph about the british accent and the currency conversion. i know, fascinating chat, but he was very well travelled.

fast forward another couple of hours, and i find richard next to me. he is clearly very drunk by this point, and is swaying on his feet. i am annoyed at the interruption to my flirting with a surveyor, but my mother always taught me to be polite, so i smile at him. and he says the following legendary line...

SO DO YOU GUYS SHAVE YOUR PUSSIES, OR IS IT TRUE THAT ALL ENGLISH GIRLS HAVE SHERWOOD FOREST GOING ON DOWN THERE?

he then proceeded to tell me how he had been drugged by a hooker the night before and how she had stolen his watch, passport and wallet... but then offered me $1,000 for a foursome with evie and steph. clearly he learned his lesson then! as a flirting technique, going after three friends one after the other is never a good thing (it reeeeally fucks off the one in third place, even if you are 70 and minging). but chat about politics, currency and then offensive crudity?

epic epic fail!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 18:47, 6 replies)

Sooooooooooo
What did you spend the $1000 on?
(Rsoles, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 22:44, closed)

i am going with
sherwood forest :p
(StyX is staring at you, yes YOU!!!, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 22:51, closed)

Humm...
I have to go to Miami in May. Last place on Earth I would choose, except for Beirut, possibly. Anywhere other than the Delano worthy of my patronage? And when I say 'patronage' I mean somewhere that won't mind me jumping around for a couple of hours to noisy tunes before being poured into a taxi back to my hotel.
(Dr. Scambolic, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 5:04, closed)

beirut is a gorgeous city

(foxy01, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 11:56, closed)

Shouldn't it be Ashwood forest?
At least there's a hint of teddy bears and cute bunnies, not men in green cowering in the undergrowth.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 9:45, closed)

valid question

(foxy01, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 11:55, closed)