Military College
Sorry for, once again, drawing on my years of suffering at a Southern *(US) Military College, but frankly, this is a PERFECT QOTW!

So, as a Freshman/Underclassman at a University which PRIDES itself on the "Fourth Class System" (beating up Freshman/Knobs in order to create the 'Whole Man' that the college claimed to create), there comes a point where a young man reaches his breaking point.

I reached mine just shortly after returning from Christmas Break. South Carolina is relatively 'cool' in the winter. Not frigid like Alaska or Boston, but cold enough that we tended to wear our corduroy robes to the bathroom when we had already shed the uniform of the day. We also typically wore 'shower shoes' or 'flip flops' as the civilians call them.

So, after having endured 4 months of Upperclassmen overseeing us opening our 'care packages' from home and helping themselves, I and several of my classmates had had enough. We devised a plan, which not entirely 'unique' was, sadly, unique enough for the Upperclassmen in our company to fall for:

We baked Brownies with a CONSIDERABLE amount of laxative in them. (in case you lot know the brand, it was Ex-Lax)

For those of you 'well read' you may well have read the book "The Lords of Discipline." This was a novel written about MY college...in fact, it was 'suggested reading' for ANY cadet planning on metriculating at this fine institution. So, the story I am about to relate, is, sadly, not 'unique' but IS unique to MY experience.

Upperclassmen, despite their 'advanced years' are NOT particularly bright. And having baked the brownies with enough laxative to make an elephant on a diet of cheese and rice run to the gentleman's room, and THEN, sending them through the MAIL, from the very same city in which the college in question was located made ZERO difference.

We shipped them to a classmate. And he made a big 'to do' about bringing them into the Battalion, where we all lived. Upperclassmen came out of the woodwork to inspect said package and pilfer more than one brownie. Fortunately, we had the foresight to bake enough for about 50 cadets. We even saw to it to include a hand written note saying "We baked enough for your classmates, so make sure you share."

The upperclassmen enjoyed the brownies. It was almost too laughable to report. They gobbled them down as if we were in a combat zone and those were the LAST brownies they would ever eat.

About an hour and a half later, we heard the doors in the Battalion opening and slamming shut as SEVERAL of the supposedly 'more intelligent' Upperclassmen made the mad dash to the bathroom.

However, they didn't realize, us Freshman had taken Herculean steps to make sure their evening was particularly memorable:

In the bathrooms (it was an all-male college) we had taken 'Heel and Sole dye' (a black liquid we used to dye the heels and soles of our shoes to make them VERY black and 'extra' shiney) and colored the toilet seats. We had also added a healthy coating of Saran Wrap or "Cling Film" over the toilets themselves. Then, we un-wound the light bulbs so they wouldn't light up the area in question. (we were devious AND well-read little bastards)

The resulting insanity left several supposedly 'more intelligent' upperclassmen with PITCH BLack arses AND brown stains along their thighs/robes.

I paid for that...as did SEVERAL of my classmates (all of them in fact) but you know what? I would GLADLY do it again with the threat of the resulting beatings as a warning. Those bastards DESERVED trying to take a shit, having the liquid result splattering ALL over their 'kit' and leaving the restroom with a LARGE black circle on their arses.

I do NOT apologize!

Sic Semper Tyrranis!

Citadel
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 8:58, 11 replies)

THIS
*click*

And to think we only ever put talcum powder on the fan blades.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 9:08, closed)

Westpoint?
*clicks*
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 18:04, closed)

WestPoint? No
I went to The Citadel in Charleston, SC. The "West Point of the South" though we were MUCH harder than those WestPoint poofs.

:)

And that story is entirely true. Within one week of that event, our Upperclassmen DOUBLED our weekly run distances...but it was okay because we got them.

Fully three weeks later, You'd be in the showers and an Upperclassman would come in and you could STILL see traces of the black on the backside of him.

Cheers!

Citadel
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 4:10, closed)

I like
*Clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 23 Sep 2008, 9:51, closed)

yeah...
right...
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 18:14, closed)

Oh trust me, this is something Citadel would do.
He's good at revenge.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 20 Sep 2008, 4:17, closed)

Clickety
The simple one are the best ones.
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 14:33, closed)

Damn, man -
I used to live in Charleston. One of my best friends went to the Citadel; as did my headmaster and my Dad's best friend.

I wouldn't have believed this story if I hadn't heard many many like it.
(aeon chicken Like the Millenium Falcon, only slower and noisier, Sun 21 Sep 2008, 0:32, closed)

Thanks
We did some TWISTED stuff to one another. I am HOPING we one day have a 'Hazing' Question of the Week! :)

It's the kind of environment, with just the right Type-A Arseholes, that really fosters these kinds of pranks.

And the sadistic thing is: we KNEW the Upperclassmen were going to KILL us...but we did it anyway. Get's you ready for the military I guess. :)
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Sun 21 Sep 2008, 6:14, closed)

Stripes.
brilliant! My mind played that story as if it were filmed in the mid 80s and stared Bill Murray and Harold Ramis. dont know why, but it made me grin. click.
(lazy killer robot found that beer tastes better when your older, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 6:36, closed)

yup!
I'm playing it in my mind as if it were in Animal House or Revenge of the Nerds...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:28, closed)