Fag Ponce
Not quite a food sabotage but...

There was this fucking annoying northern cunt of a relative who at any family occasion would never bring any fags but would always ponce mine, to the extent that once he actually knicked the packet and later on I had to ponce one back!

At a rather drunken wedding he'd ponced one too many so my Brother in-law and I divided the remaining fags between ourselves and took them into the gents. Locked in seperate cubicles we proceeded to rub the butts liberally with helmet cheese and stuck them up our arses. After removing a few stray pubes we replaced them back in the pack and left them awaiting said Ponce on our table.

'Can I nick a fag?' Northern Cunt asked about five minutes later, 'Nick one?' said I, 'Have the pack, I've got another.'

How we chuckled when we saw him sucking on a cigarrette outside the hall. I nearly injured myself laughing when he offered them round to his skanky chav mates.

Vengence is golden.
(onemunki Down there for dancing, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 14:01, 3 replies)

.......Ponced?
.........?
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 14:06, closed)

Ponced??
I was wondering about that too! Round our way, "poncing" would be a bit like "mincing around" or "Flouncing about". Takes all sorts, I guess!
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 14:58, closed)

Was it...
...really necessary to specify "northern"?

I find Southern types more stealy and less shame-faced-about it, in my experience.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 23:16, closed)