Pizza hut buffet + chilli sprinkles = pant wetting laughter
Back in the day when I was a young Spangulum, once a week my friends and I used to ditch school dinners in favour of the pizza hut buffet. We had the same crowd that came along every time to enjoy a gutbusting meal: Joshi, myself, Brett and sometimes a straggler that wanted in on the action.

So one day, myself and Brett are feeling pretty rowdy. I got myself kicked out of my french class for falling asleep and when my teacher woke me up I called her a bitch (maybe if I called her 'le bitch' I would have been allowed to stay, who knows) and Brett was just being a little shite as usual so when we went to pizza hut, poor unsuspecting Joshi bore the brunt.

We all sat down and straight away ordered a coke each (unlimited cokes rule by the way) and then grabbed a plate and stocked up. We really abused their system.. so much pizza - so much pasta - salad.... my arse! We sat back down and Joshi then grabbed the chilli sprinkles and went to town, and I mean REALLY went to town. It was like a sea of chilli flakes with a sunken pizza boat in the middle. Brett and I just looked at each other and knew what the plan was - we just had to wait for the right time to execute it!

We all finished our first plates and Joshi jumped up ready to restock, this was our chance and we took it. Brett and I decided to stay at the table as we "needed a break" in between courses. Joshi left and we unscrewed the hell out of the chilli pot and just placed the lid on carefully. Just for posterity we also poured a shit load of salt into his coke and dropped in a few scabby pennies as well. Why not.

Joshi came back with a mound of food so large that it made me feel full just looking at it. It was massive. At least 6 slices of pizza, two huge scoops of the yummy pasta and a TONNE of garlic bread. It was immense. He made himself comfy in his chair - you could literally see him prepare his innards for the amount it was going to have to expand to encapsulate this mountain of proteins and carbs. The look on his face was a picture too - so proud of his achievement (the fat bastard).

Then he picked up the chilli pot, Brett and I were on the edges of our seats fighting back the laughter. I think a snot bubble even came out of my nose when the laughing pressure diverted without warning. He tipped it over whilst giving a shake and WHOOMPH there was chilli fucking everywhere.

ALL over the plate, the table, the floor, his lap... EVERYWHERE!!! We just creased up as the mess, combined with the look on his face was priceless. It was the look of shock combined with sheer depression as if we had just taken a dump and smeared the offerings onto the Mona Lisa. We ruined his masterpiece and suffice it to say, his lunch.

What was even funnier though was his reaction. He took 3 napkins and very carefully and strategically placed them over his plate then simply pushed it to the side of the table. He got up, got a new plate and rebuilt his food tower. Legend.

The drink sabotage however was a total failure. He didn't even taste the salt as it all sank to the bottom and he didn't find the coins as he didn't finish his drink. Oh well, 1 out of 2 wasn't bad.

Length? - He still doesn't trust me in Pizza Hut to this day (and this was around 11 years ago now!
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:42, 7 replies)

Is it just me....
...or why am I reminded of that sketch from "Harry and Paul" when Paul Whitehouse is watching Mr Bean and analysing the impending joke?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:09, closed)

Oh Look
How funny. The inevitable has happened and now he has chilli all over his food.
*In Dutch Accent*
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:20, closed)

hahaha
yes, this exactly.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:27, closed)

after noticing the Dutch accent comment
I have now read most of this bloody page in the voice of Goldmember. Weird no?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:16, closed)

Simple and effective...
Puttung a dead dogs cock in your ex-wifes dinner my have more yuck factor but simple messing with the condiment lids has more class.

I suppose I've got a weakness for the classics.
.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:50, closed)

le bitch
Should be la bitch unless she was a big scarey bull-dyke.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:38, closed)

merd
maybe highlights even more that I paid no attention in French!

She probably was a dyke though.
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:29, closed)