A different ketchup bottle.....
Yet again a question comes up that I've got chuff all to contribute from my own sordid past (obviously not sordid enough) so here's a 'friend of a friend' tale... (Although names were mentioned at the time and this might very well be true...)

...FoF had the good fortune to be a reasonably talented athlete in a rather popular team sport; so much so that it became his day job. As is often the case with professional sportsmen he picked himself up a trophy wife. FoF was besotted. After sticking his wick in various slappers in his younger days he found someone to settle down with and look pretty in front of his team mates.

Unfortunately for FoF, Trophy Wife was what could be described as A Bit Of A Slut and proceeded to get banged, buggered and generally got her orifices filled (often at the same time) by various men, many of whom were FoFs team mates. By all accounts TW was an extremely popular young lady...

And so it came to pass that FoF returned from an away game that had kept him away from his beloved for a couple of nights. Getting home tired but still on a high from a good win, our hero proceeds to get down to some good lovin' with his lady...

..."But whats this?" thinks FoF
"Vaginas shouldn't contain hard, round, metallic things..."

...as he removed the lid from a ketchup bottle from wifey's mimsy...

Now this is easily explained. "I was lonely" would probably be all the explanation required in many cases. The fact that neither of them liked the red stuff so usually none would be in the house was a slight inconsistency, but was soon forgotten.

Until FoF opens the fridge while visiting his best friend a few days later...

...Yep, there was a lidless ketchup bottle inside - the daft cunt had kept it. Not only that, but when FoF silently held it up, (now former) best mate went white and ran out of the door.

Blood was spilt soon after. Followed by a divorce...

(Edit: I like linebreaks and I don't give a fuck)
( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Fri 7 Aug 2009, 23:28, 1 reply)

My favourite part of this...
...is what a cheap scally the teammate must have been.

My housemate (and ex-bf) is a shameless sauce hound. Must have it on everything he eats. Has been known to go through three bottles in a week. Even if he can't be stuffed going to the supermarket he can get it at inflated prices at the corner shop.

Even then it costs less than AU$2.50.

What the hell was this nuff nuff doing hanging onto it?!

Tight as anything, I say.
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 14:42, closed)