LeeAnn and Shelly
LeAnn and Shelly (for those were their names) were very good friends indeed.

As young teenager girls do, they talked about boys, pop stars, homework, parents, and sex.

As Shelly slept over at LeAnn’s house, they decided that a bit of misguided sexual experimentation was necessary. LeAnn went to the freezer and grabbed some frozen hot dogs, the nearest thing available to an erect penis. They performed the expected act with these tubes of processed meats but, after a certain period of being inserted into an orifice of body temperature, the frozen hot dogs became very lukewarm. Their structural integrity was weakened and, after one last thrust, a hot dog broke off inside poor LeAnn.

Now, this was in the United States. You can’t just hop down to your local A&E for a hotdogectomy. Such a procedure could bankrupt a person, so they put their teenage heads together and came up with a viable Option 2: visit the neighbor, a male nurse, and have him remove the meat from the mimsy. It wasn’t without effort, though. To assume that one’s first sexual experience would end in a man elbow deep in your ladyguts in order to fish out some lunch meat is entirely unthinkable.

The operation was successful and LeAnn thought the worst of it was over. However, the nurse was the older brother of a fellow schoolmate and he, as one might do, rang his younger sister in hysterics. When Monday morning rolled around, the entire school knew that LeeAnn had sex with frozen hot dogs. Shelly, bless her, regaled a rapt audience of 13 years olds with tales of LeeAnn’s sexcapades. Poor LeeAnn became the laughing stock of the school while Shelly rode high, for she bore witness to the hilarity. LeeAnn dropped out of school and, the last I heard of her, she was a methhead. Shelly went on to university and got a good job in Texas. Their paths split the moment that hot dog broke.

The thing is, Shelly, too, had waggled a hot dog around inside her vagina. Both had sex with hot dogs, but only one suffered the misfortune of an accident. We all bullied the one who had the mishap, with most of the cruel finger pointing coming from Shelly, whose vagina was equally as guilty.

So that was the tale of two girls, two hot dogs, one broken meatstick and one broken life.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 10:09, 10 replies)

Variations on a theme:
www.snopes.com/college/risque/hotdog.asp
(Pope Jamiroquai III, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 12:29, closed)

Oh, for f*ck's sake.
Is is really beyond the realm of possibility that a girl / woman might stick a phallic meat product up her chuff? We've read here that women do it with vegetables every day.

From Snopes:

"Many urban legends describe events so general and plausible that they might very well have happened to somebody, somewhere, sometime. But since the origins of urban legends can seldom be traced to specific, identifiable occurrences, we rarely categorize such legends as "true."
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 12:39, closed)

It does somewhat bring into question
the whole patient confidentiality thing.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 13:36, closed)

She wasn't his patient.
She just turned up at his house.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 14:25, closed)

Sorry
that means she was his patient. You treat someone or hear anything vaguely medical, that person is your patient and you are bound by rules of confidentiality.

If someone here asked or told me anything personal, I couldn't tell anyone without their express permission even tho I'm an ocean away.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 4:50, closed)

well
that's you being bound by your personal code of ethics. It's not some sort of universal set of rules.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 11:53, closed)

Well, yes...
After a couple bottles of wine I'm bound to say that I'm your grandad.

*rubs thighs*
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 21:41, closed)

Aren't you in Detroit?
Medical practice is damned near spit-n-cows in yer more northern counties.

I say 'medical', what I mean is, 'what your Vet knows about, will only be told to people who can read'.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 21:44, closed)

What I read here was:
Girls put things that look like cocks in to them. One of the girls gets mercilessly bullied, and as a result later leaves school and eventually becomes a meth addict.

However, the deafening chorus of 'LIES! LIES! LIES ON QOTW!' sort of drowned all that out.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 14:10, closed)

I query...
...the active and creative sex lives of those people posting on this bored, but I daren't say anything because that would make me a cock of the highest order.

Fundamentally, LeAnn's a mess because of a frozen meat product.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Mon 10 Aug 2009, 14:24, closed)