Text and opticians
I have so many it's tragic. The first was when I was away with my group from college and my (then) girlfriend wasn't with me (and she was already paranoid I was going to cheat on her). It turned out there was a girl I'd fancied for ages going and I'd been chatting her up when the missus called. So, I'm on the phone to the girlfriend when I get a text from the afore mentioned lady asking when I'm coming over to her room. Clever man that I am, I start texting her back saying "I'll be as quick as I can, I've got the bird on the line". It's confusing speaking to one person and texting another so, naturally, I ended up sending that text to the "bird". Cue her calling up crying and me digging myself out of a hole the size of goatse's derriere.

The other one happened last week when I was at the opticians. This old bint is bringing loads of ugly as hell frames over to me to try on, they're getting worse and worse until she brings out one of those pairs that oaps where at the beach; those ones which you clip the shades on top making you look like a proper cunt. By this stage I couldn't restrain myself and start laughing and said they looked revolting and I wouldn't wear them if I was paid. Of course, I'm at the opticians because I need glasses, I hadn't noticed she was wearing that exact pair and has gone very silent... I made my excuses and got my glasses from a different shop.
(boristheflorist, Thu 22 Apr 2004, 18:42, Reply)