Read & Take Heed
This is a pearoast from a QOTW a while back called 'Tactless'

(To say my foot was firmly lodged in my mouth would be an understatement)

I was in the passnger seat driving with a friend along Baker Street. It was a very hot day and everyone had their windows open. Stuck in traffic, as one tends to be along that street, the lanes on either side would occasionally move a bit quicker.

To the left of our car you could hear horses feet, I turned to see a horse drawn carriage pull up and I made eye contact with quite a stunning bride. She was very beautiful, all fairy tale dress and flowers.
So, of course I just had to say “congratulations, you look very beautiful”. She demurely smiled and thanked me, and so the bloke at her side (in my defence at LEAST 30 years her senior, although my conscience may be exagerating here) turned to see who she was speaking to “Congratulations, sir, you must be very proud, your daughter looks stunning”

“I'm not the Father, I’m the Husband”

God, I really wonder if I just totally ruined their day...neither looked even remotely amused..I was so shocked, my friend had to close the window remotely as I was just frozen with embaressment
(sabre32, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:26, 14 replies)

Nah - I bet he was well proud of himself.
She was probably not bright enough to spell "money-grubbing slovenly harlot", let alone understand what one was.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:30, closed)

Can't see the problem.
Women like to be told that they look younger than they actually are, and men getting on in years like the idea of a younger partner. Plus he'll be able to fantasise that he's fucking his daughter.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 12:42, closed)

Oof

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 13:00, closed)

Oof!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 13:06, closed)

Oeuf!

(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 13:15, closed)

Woof!

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 13:18, closed)

Poof.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 13:23, closed)

aloof

(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 13:24, closed)

Cat on a hot tin
roof.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 15:23, closed)

I fell over last night
And now I have now coof.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 16:00, closed)

If I had a cunt
I'd go queef.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 20 Aug 2012, 3:50, closed)

At which point you recover with
"Well, in that case you should be proud and smug!"
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 17 Aug 2012, 16:39, closed)

At which point the father pipes up with some comment from the back of the carriage,
and you look over and realise that he's younger than the husband.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 16:54, closed)

I don't like gays getting married.
There are enough gay kids as it is.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Sun 19 Aug 2012, 3:38, closed)