Masses of porn - with a twist
So picture the scene - 3 young teenagers, wandering around town looking for things to do in Hemel - and I don't know if you know about Hemel Hempstead, but it's not the best place in the world for young teenagers to be wandering around in.... actually its not the best place for adults either - anyway, I digress.

We were bored - seriously bored and really didn't know what to do until one of my friends piped up and said that he knew of this fantastic abandoned house that we could hang out in - wasn't close but it would be well worth the walk... so off we went.

The walk was epic. It took us across a couple of MASSIVE farmers fields and down a seemingly never ending main road and eventually, in the distance there it was. The abandoned house in all its glory. Run down, decrepid and really shitty but looked like fun! It took a bit of courage to actually go in as it felt like breaking and entering - but when we did, our imaginations took over. Walls were half broken down and there were broken ceiling joists and all sorts - ladders here there and everywhere, it was absolutely fantastic. A little adventure playground just begging to be played in.

So after about 20 minutes of having a cracking time of playing all sorts of 'make believe' games and exploring every nook and cranny of this place, one of my friends suddenly screamed "OH MY GOD!!" we thought something had happened so rushed to find him as fast as we could - bricking it thinking that he had had an accident and that we had no mobile phones and were miles away from anything and anyone we knew. Turns out he didn't have an accident - but had discovered an absolutely huge stash of porno mags stuffed up the chinmey (of all places!). I have, to this day, NEVER seen so many porno mags in one place - and for us back in the day... it was sensational!! Boobs and coochies everywhere. This alone had made the walk worth it.

We dove into the pile (not literally) and just started grabbing the mags and flicking through the pages, imaginations working overtime at what we wanted to do to these women then we all ended up just grabbing a pile each and sitting down to have a read. I should point out that before you say or think it, we did not have a group wankoff... we were a little more restrained than that. Just a little mind.

So after a good ten minutes of reading... I suddenly experience something that I never want to experience again. Some of the pages were stuck together on one mag. Now - I knew why, it was gross and I immediately threw it to the ground realising what I could have just come into contact with - but when I picked up the next mag... its making me gag just thinking about it... I felt a horribly slimy substance in between my fingers - I prayed to god that it would be a slug or something other than what I hoped it was not... but when I looked... it was. Reasonably fresh, cool to the touch, man goo. The mag was thrown to the floor and I scraped my hands on the floor trying to shake off the muck, cutting the hell out of my hands in the process on the gravelly floor and then vomited violently ALL over myself. Of course my friends thought this whole thing was hysterical and couldn't stop laughing - and of course told ALL my friends at school about this on the following Monday that I found some cum on a porno and smeared it all over my hands. Took years to live it down.

Cunts.
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 9:18, 2 replies)

Hemel
Bloody heck. First time I've seen Hemel mentioned outside of, well, Hemel, and I'm not surprised at the context. It's a right hole, isn't it? I used to live there too...
(deliciouscake, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 23:28, closed)

Hear Hear
Yay, nice to see Hemel mentioned. Indeed it's a shithole but I used to live there
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 22:25, closed)