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This is a question Turning into your parents

Unable to hold back the genetic tide, I find myself gardening in my carpet slippers, asking for a knife and fork in McDonalds and agreeing with the Daily Telegraph. I'm beyond help - what about you?

Thanks to b3th for the suggestion

(, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 13:39)
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Sorry mum
Several years ago I realised I had turned into my mum.
Not the funny mum who did crazy things to make us laugh.
But the mum who hid her face in the morning so we couldnt see a new bruise, even though we had been there when he did the drunken beating.
Two kids under 10 trying to stop a grown man and failing.
I'm ashamed to say, as soon as were legally old enough to leave, thats what we did.
Sorry mum, we just couldnt stop it or watch anymore :(
Somewhere along the way I ended up shacked up with this guy.
Charismatic, everyone loved him.
The first time he beat me, it was my fault, the second time yada yada.
Always on the body where no-one could see.
Till one night he totally lost it and messed my face up pretty good.
I remember sitting there and thinking "how am i going to explain this?"
And then him telling me i wasnt to go out until it had cleared up.
And I saw my mum, hiding away, and now that was me.
They say we all turn into our parents at some point, but that aspect just wasnt sitting happily with me.
I know first hand the real sound of Spang
A saucepan wrapped around his face, followed by my dragging/throwing his sorry ass out of the door.

I like the nicer traits my mum has left me with.
The inability to remember anyones name, and will go through a dozen random names before I get it right.

Having to be the first person to leave a footprint in fresh snow.

No matter how daft it looks, if there is a pile of leaves you must kick it.

You must try to cheat badly at monopoly or cards and just giggle when caught out

From my dad.........lumbago, gee thanks
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 0:16, 13 replies)
huge respect and hugs for you my dear
Thank goodness you got him out, and kudos for apt use of the saucepan.

Kick those leaves for all you're worth honey, and with every fresh print you leave in the snow you are leaving another little bit in the past - proving that a low life like him is not worthy of fucking you up.

(I also like to cheat at rummy with my folks - usually to help eachother out. "I've got an ace here I can't use - any good for you guys?")

*more hugs*
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 0:45, closed)
Thanks guys :)
I'm a very happy, totally well adjusted individual these days.
(albeit a tad pervy, but thats another story ;) )
After that I adopted the 'One strike and you are out' attitude.
Works well :)
Plus after several years of experience working with military types I now know how to fell a twunt efficiently

Mum is finally divorcing that saddo, and after nearly 10 years without actually seeing each other in the flesh we are meeting soon along with other family members who I havnt seen for years, miles away, oh many miles away.
I hope there is a pile of leaves we can trundle through
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 1:38, closed)
Great for you! Keep it up.
It should however be one strike and they are out cold. There is never any excuse for that type of abuse. As I have two daughters, I am really glad to see that many women are fighting back (there are still a hell of a lot though who can't break free whether due to economic or emotional reasons).

We have always tried to instill this into our daughters and hopefully it has worked (and if I ever see any guy hit them I now whatever I end up doing will not be gentle).

Its also really good you will see you mother again. There are so many reasons why women are not able to leave an abuser. While she probably should have left years earlier, it may not have been possible for her.

(I'd like to show them your post but then they might see some of the more perverted things I've mentioned in some of my posts).
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 17:40, closed)
Glad to hear it
Nobody deserves that shit. You've done well. Please remember that nothing done *to* you makes you deserve badness. Keep walking in the snow and hold your head high.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 0:59, closed)
Well done you
Very much.

Keep enjoying those moments and be proud that it stopped with you - it sounds like no matter what, it has.

(, Fri 1 May 2009, 1:14, closed)
good onya aswell
breaking the cycle is harder than you think, though both you and your mum seem to have either a lot of bad luck in their selection of blokes.
I'll tell you one incident. My wife had a ex-boyfriend who'd hit her, so I promised i would never do the same. One night she was under a lot stress at work and was drunk and had displaced the blame onto me for something. she did everything she could to provoke me, before attacking me. now I'm a big guy (and was sober) and was able to hold her off. but it took an awful lot of restraint to keep from retaliating, and i'm a placid guy who has never hit a woman. The next day, I told her I never want to go through that again, and thankfully we haven't. the point i wanted to make, was that I reckon if you been through that abusive situation before, as victim, perpetrator or active onlooker like you as a kid, it seems easier to get yourself in those situations because their is this expectation or mental possibility that it might come to that. Where, because i had never experience violent abuse before, it never crossed my mind that argument could end that way. I think my wife expected me to react violently. Actually i'm not sure what point I'm making, but it's all food for thought
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 3:58, closed)
post - nice one, matey...
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 8:05, closed)
What they all said...
and a click.
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 8:30, closed)

It takes a post like this to remind me how lucky I am sometimes.

(, Fri 1 May 2009, 9:42, closed)
I agree.
Clicks again
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 18:04, closed)
As they all said, congratulations on breaking the cycle, I can only imagine how tough that must be.

Hope you've found more happiness since.

PS You're right about the pile of leaves - autumn's ace ;)
(, Fri 1 May 2009, 10:20, closed)
* clickyhugs *
And what they all said

* hugs *
(, Sun 3 May 2009, 12:54, closed)
Damn, that's harsh.
(, Mon 4 May 2009, 9:53, closed)

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