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This is a question Turning into your parents

Unable to hold back the genetic tide, I find myself gardening in my carpet slippers, asking for a knife and fork in McDonalds and agreeing with the Daily Telegraph. I'm beyond help - what about you?

Thanks to b3th for the suggestion

(, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 13:39)
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My mum
A bit of back story is required here I think.

My dad is a complete waster. He has never had a kind word for me or my brother. He's also an alcoholic and a drug addict. We cut off contact with him a couple of years ago and have been happier since.

He spent a lot of our childhood lying to us both about everything under the sun. Most of these lies were about my Mum. Because of this, we both opted to live with my Dad after they divorced. I'm ashamed to say that I believed everything he said and thought my Mum was some form of demon. During the time we lived with my Dad, I had almost no contact with my Mum, my brother had slightly more than I did but still very little.

After a few years, we began to see what my dad was really like. We saw him drinking every night, regularly soiling himself and becoming violent after taking E, diazapam, any other substance he could get his hands on. At the time, my brother and I thought we were stuck. We had a horrible mother and an abusive good for nothing father which meant we had nowhere to go.

After many arguments, some violence and several attempted suicides (by my brother), he was thrown out on Christmas eve. Having nowhere else to go and still being in high school he went to live with our Mum. Not wanting to be around when she came to collect him, I proceeded to go out and get completely shitfaced.

After he left, i plunged into depression. I'd always been close with my brother and spent most of my time worrying about him. For about a year I had no contact with him until one day I saw him in town.

I was amazed. He looked happier than I'd ever seen him before. We started catching up immediately. It turns out that when he'd gone to live our Mum, she had been nothing like our Dad had told us. When my brother had been thrown out, he stayed with her for a grand total of three days. She had asked him what he wanted to do, to which his answer had been "I want to go back and finish high school". She helped him find a place near school, supported him until he got benefits sorted and visited him regularly, despite the 2 hour drive between them.

A few months down the line, I found myself being thrown out. A month before my 16th birthday no less. Too old to be put in care, too young to live on my own so the social workers called my Mum. My brother's situation had given me some hope, but I was still nervous. He had at least some semblance of a relationship with my mum, whereas I had none. We hadn't spoken in over 4 years.

The journey back to her place was unnerving. Neither of us knew what to say so most of it was spent in silence. When she finally did speak all she said was that I couldn't smoke or drink while living with her unless I could pay for it myself.

When we finally made it to her house (it seemed to take forever), I met my step-dad, I saw my grandad and uncles for the first time in years. They had all come to welcome me back. Needless to say after they had gone I broke down and cried. My step-dad thought it best to leave me alone with my Mum at the time while we had a chat.

She hugged me while I cried and we spoke about the time I had spent living with my Dad. I cried some more, she made me something to eat, i cried again and we chatted more.

I was very emotionally damaged from all the things my Dad had put me through and that night my Mum managed to help me more than 3 years of seeing a child psychiatrist had.

Because I was 15, I couldn't do what my brother had done, so I was registered at the local high school. With 3 months to go before my standard grades and a lack of attendance at my previous school due to my love of sitting at home smoking weed meant I had a lot to do if I wanted to have any chance at passing.

My Mum's side of the family rallied round me. They helped me with homework, took me to extra classes and generally did anything they thought would help. I passed with very good marks in the end and went to college to study nursing.

For the first time in my life I had a supportive and loving family. It felt fecking great. For the first time in my life I didn't feel completely useless and unworthy. That also felt fecking great.

Now, 4 years on from that, my brother and I have had our fair share of problems. Just as we were getting to know our Gran properly again, she died. This upset me, but it completely overwhelmed my brother. It resulted in another attempt to take his own life, this time it was a bit more serious than the last. He ended up in a psychiatric ward, but with the kindness and care from the staff, and my Mum visiting him at least twice a week he was released shortly after and has been like a whole new person since.

I feel like an idiot a lot of the time for believing what I was told about her. The only excuse I have is that I was very young but that doesn't excuse me in any way.

To sum up, my Mum is the most caring and supportive person I have met. She never panics, has lots of common sense and there's never a situation she doesn't know how to deal with. She's fun to be around and doesn't take crap from anyone.

I'm 20 now and have a baby of my own on the way. If I become even something close to being like her then I know that my little boy will grow up happy and healthy.

no apologies for length, it's awesome!
(, Sat 2 May 2009, 13:24, closed)
turns away from monitor and knuckles eyes.

umm "i like this" isn't adequate, but its what you are getting
(, Sat 2 May 2009, 13:46, closed)
as your penultimate para says....
(, Sat 2 May 2009, 14:20, closed)

Your mum does indeed sound awesome

hugs, cllicks, hugs again
(, Sat 2 May 2009, 21:34, closed)
* clickyhugs *
Congratulations to you and your brother for having made it. Just make sure you concentrate on the future and don't allow yourselves to be bogged down by the past.
(, Sun 3 May 2009, 12:06, closed)
You've brought a tear to my eye
on a quiet holiday Monday in the office.

(, Mon 4 May 2009, 9:44, closed)

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