Clarification
The post was aimed at those who use their upbringing as a reason not to attempt change in bad behavior that they know is bad, rather than those who have had a bad experience, and who suffer and struggle with it. I apologize if I didn't make that clear (which I didn't).
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Sun 3 May 2009, 20:04, 1 reply)

some people
coming from an abusive relationship with their parent(s) may not have the emotional, physical or intellectual capacity or fortitude to distinguish (and therefore make an effort to eradicate) "bad" behavior that they know is "bad". it's a herculean task for most to come to terms and make an effort to be "good", despite all they have been told or experienced.in my opinion,to attain (and maintain) a healthy sexual, emotional and intellectual disposition takes a hell of a lot of work, regardless of your past circumstances, especially in times like these ( is there any other kind?)

the hardest thing for me was to forgive. i'll never forget, but when i truly forgave (not to sound like a twat but i probably do) the scales fell from my eyes, and i could breath and live again.

i burnt her up 8 years ago now. for a time i hated her more than i thought it possible to hate another human being. the only person i have ever really hated, actually. hated her the only way a son could hate his mother, for i loved her as much. still do ( love her).

i'm not a "hard" man, nor do i wish to be. by all accounts, and judging by your logic i should fucking well be, and have every right to be.but it's hard to be hard. it's not my bag. i want (and will) to love my wife and kids when the time comes.to give them what i didn't have at the time. but the only way to do that is to love yourself first, which sometimes seems impossible.

for the record i know my mother loved me to the ends of the earth. she was the most intelligent, empathetic, stubborn and vital person i have ever known. but she didn't love herself.she was a star. and then she was a supernova. i reel in her wake, eat her dust, and still roil from her energy.

the greatest contradiction in my life is how she was such an epic fail, yet she infused within my brother and i the tools and temperance to be compassionate, understanding, and tough as nails =)

live and let live (within reason - personally not down with paedos, thieves and the like)

let sleeping dogs lie

forgive, but never forget

i'd do anything to hear her voice again. i see her in dreams, and for that i am blessed.

R.I.P mom, because i know you never had peace in your waking life.

that being said, this is my post, really not meaning to come off as a righteous twat. it's midnight, i've had a few, and this QOTW obviously cut me to the quick.

there are no things - only possibilities
UNCERTAINTY IS CERTAIN
(goorf, Mon 4 May 2009, 7:08, closed)

Clarification
OK, what I said obviously hurt a lot of people who it wasn't aimed at.I wouldn't wish to belittle their struggle and their fortitude in dealing with an abusive childhood, and I don't think they should "toughen up", if by that you mean become a hard, abusive person. Being strong is different from being tough or hard.

I didn't have any kids until I was 28 because I was terrified that my experience would make me a paedophile, I also stopped drinking for 4 years because I got pissed and rowed with my wife, and was scared that I would become violent in drink. There are some who can't help but be damaged by a bad childhood, and struggle to be a good person despite the damage done to them, and a salute them, they have dealt with more than I have, and many of them are better people than I.

However, I have met people who will justify violence towards others, sexual predation and criminality because of abuse they received, and have even used this as a excuse for murder. You can't have a free pass for acting evil because you were treated badly. If you think that, I will respectfully disagree. The guy who abused me and my sister was abused, so does that mean he should be excused?

You are not one of the people I was thinking of when I wrote my original post, and neither are all the others who struggle to rise above their bad experiences, but as you said: live and let live (within reason - personally not down with paedos, thieves and the like)

Again, I am sorry if I offended, that wasn't my intention
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Thu 7 May 2009, 8:35, closed)