Basic Instinct
I was sat in pub with an old friend called Stacey (a bloke by the way) several years ago - We had had an afternoon toking but decided to venture out for a couple of beers before I made the long walk home.

It was a quiet weeknight and we were sat in the main part of the pub, surrounded by couples and old blokes, all supping their pints of bitter and mild to some shitty jukebox in their conservative northern idiom.

Stacey kept looking at his watch whilst we were supping and looking very anxious to get out of Dodge so I asked him what the matter was,

"BASIC INSTINCT IS ON IN HALF AN HOUR - I CAN GET AT LEAST 4 WANKS IN BEFORE THE NEWS!" - was his extremely loud and resounding response.

I spat my beer out choking in suprised and embarassed laughter as the locals all turned and looked - Stacey continued

"WHAT? HAVE I EMBARASSED YOU?" - He stood up, pointed at me and bellowed,

"THIS MAN'S BEEN IN ME!" -

I spluttered, choked on my beer with embarassed laughter but managed to squark out -

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

He leant over the table and said quietly - "I know that, but these other cunt's don't" and with that grabbed his coat from the back of the chair and walked to the door, then turned round - pouted at me and hollered over the pub

"YOU'RE A SHIT FUCK ANYWAY - GO BACK TO YOUR MOTHER"

And he left - and I sat there nursing what was left of my pint surrounded by a pub full of people looking at me - wondering..... as I sat there wondering how do I get out of that with some composure, trying desperately to finish my pint and crawl up my own arse
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Fri 10 Nov 2006, 16:56, Reply)