OTT... OPP
It must have been about the year 2000. I was back in the wonderful city of Sheffield seeing some friends having been to Hallam (the ex-Polly) the previous year. I'd left after one year of a ridiculous course having achieved nothing but daily hangovers, colossal debt and various stories.

Having stepped off the coach my trusty friend Ham and I ventured to The Globe (pub). Having just got some refreshments in and starting to catch up, this guy (I don't even remember his name... let's call him Frank) comes over like a long lost friend. Ham knows him, and introduces us. Already, I can see Ham's not overly excited by Frank's presence... but Frank seems oblivious to this and takes a seat.

Anyway, we'd carried on chatting and halfway through the next pint Frank heads off to the toilet. Ham apologises and says that Frank is actually another of our friend's housemate and that he's really boring. I said he didn't seem too bad, I mean he'd just got us the last beers in, and though it was a bit odd that he thought it a good idea to sit with people obviously reminiscing when he had not been part of any of the stories, he'd probably go soon. Ham shook his head and Frank returned.

Gradually Frank started getting more pally... seemingly he started to think we were all old friends, and either one upping stories or saying that he remembered that one etc. Beginning to think the guy was a bit of a tool, but simply increasingly ignoring him I’d idly thrown a tiny bit of my Rizla packet into Ham’s drink. Frank found this hysterical.
Frank tried but missed, then again, then at mine missing but still laughing manically as though it was the greatest game in the world. We had our hands covering our glasses so eventually he stopped and we carried on talking.

About two minutes later he puts a Rizla or something in my drink… Ho, ho ho. But I warn him that I will get him back, and worse. He claims that he always gets people back better than they get him. So in a bit I drop a coin in his beer. Frank is not amused and tries to stick a coin in my drink unsuccessfully. He eventually calms down and then we return to drinking and chatting. He than manages to get a coin in Ham’s drink, which I respond by putting a handful of loose change into his.

Frank seething stops but claims that he will get me back etc. Ham sides with me and tells Frank that he should stop and that I will always take it a step further.

More drinks and all seems calm. I go to the toilet, and when I return low and behold there’s a crisp packet in my beer. Frank is raucous and while I nod and say very good sitting back down, I empty the entire contents of the ashtray into his fairly new drink.
I think finally got the point then and left.

OK, over the top? Well it wasn’t actually until later on that evening that I really got him back. A big group of us went to a club, and Frank and a few of his friends were there. Frank still pissy ignored me… so I got him back for that by getting off with his girlfriend in front of him. To be fair I didn’t actually realize she was actually with him at first; but surprisingly on subsequent visits he was never overly friendly with me.

Apologies for length and girth, but Frank’s girlfriend liked it.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Mon 13 Nov 2006, 12:48, Reply)