when I first moved to london I shared a flat with five nurses
Their advice from years on their feet in A&E: "Never put anything up your arse you might have trouble getting out afterwards"

and if you happen to find yourself in emergency with a foreign object inserted, just own straight up "I was masturbating, thought I'd try something and it got stuck". They can see through your wank tissue of lies
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 21 May 2010, 0:18, 4 replies)

Shame it's too late to let
Cindy Corton know about that.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Fri 21 May 2010, 0:44, closed)

And the list of objects includes:
Shot glass, baked potato, light bulb (in vagina), torch (still flashing), TWO dildos, Tamagotchi, etc. All from a small sample of MrsScars colleagues.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Fri 21 May 2010, 10:30, closed)

They totally believed my excuse!
If you repeat it enough they'll believe you.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:42, closed)

I'll just say
"I was doing the housework in a loose bathrobe when I slipped and landed on it". Absolutely foolproof, they'll never have heard that one before.

Or, I might just refrain from shoving things up my Keyster.
(Rsoles, Fri 21 May 2010, 18:13, closed)