One time at InFest
A few years ago I was having a cracking weekend in Bradford (seriously) with a bunch of Goths (I'm not making this up). InFest is a cybergoth festival which is either a deadly serious occasion or a good laugh with your mates and a lot of beer depending on how slavishly devoted to the scene you are. I am about a 1 on the "takes being a Goth seriously" scale. I was there to laugh at the people who turn it up to 11.

It's not all shits, giggles and ludicrously elaborate outfits, though. It is mostly that, but occasionally someone will waddle across your eyeline who absolutely cannot justify what they're wearing. One such instance was a woman (I assume - I had no intention of inspecting any more closely) who was clad in black PVC, three licks of white paint away from getting a job at SeaWorld.

Credit where it's due - the good advice came from my mate Dave. "Why the fuck do people make PVC in size 24?!", he proclaimed (adjusted for slurrage). "If you make PVC in size 24, someone will buy it, and wear it, and we'll have to look at it!"

There's not much arguing with that, so I encouraged him to spread the word to everyone running a stall selling clothes that weekend. Unfortunately, he took me at my word, and ran afoul of a similarly-proportioned lass at one such PVC emporium.

Replying to her plaintive request for an apology with "Jump, Willy, jump!!" was probably what cost him his pint, and most of his eyeliner.

Length? If we assume that a tennis ball placed into orbit circles a fat bird at a rate of 1.5cm per second... I don't fucking know, I was off my tits
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:17, 4 replies)

Sizist.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:24, closed)

^Sizistist^

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:52, closed)

Sizististist ^

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 21 May 2010, 13:58, closed)

Titstitstits

(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sun 23 May 2010, 8:03, closed)